"You never told me she was a pole-dancer, Nobby!" Fred wailed.
"Don"t say it like that, sarge: Nobby sounded a little hurt. "This is
modern times. And she"s got class, Tawneee has. She even brings her own pole. No hanky-panky."
"But, I mean ... showin" her body off in lewd ways, Nobby! Dancing around without her vest and practic"ly no drawers on. Is that any way to behave?"
Nobby considered this deep metaphysical question from various angles. "Er ... yes?" he ventured.
"Anyway, I thought you were still walking out with Verity Pushpram? That"s a handy little seafood stall she runs," Colon said, sounding as though he was pleading a case.
"Oh, Hammerhead"s a nice girl if you catch her on a good day, sarge," Nobby conceded.
"You mean those days when she doesn"t tell you to bugger off and chase you down the street throwing crabs at you?"
"Exactly those days, sarge. But good or bad, you can never get rid of the smell of fish. And her eyes are too far apart. I mean, it"s hard to have a relationship with a girl who can"t see you if you stand right in front of her."
"I shouldn"t think Tawneee can see you if you"re up close, either!" Colon burst out. "She"s nearly six feet tall and she"s got a bosom like ... well, she"s a big girl, Nobby." Fred Colon was at a loss. Nobby Nobbs and a dancer with big hair, a big smile and ... general bigitigy? Look upon this picture, and on this! It did your head in, it really did.
He struggled on. "She told me, Nobby, that she"s been Miss May on the centrefold of Girls, Giggles and Garters! Well, I mean. .. !"
"What do you mean, sarge? Anyway, she wasn"t just Miss May, she was the first week in June as well," Nobby pointed out. "It was the only way they had room."
"Err, well, I ask you," Fred floundered, "is a girl who displays her body for money the right kind of wife for a copper? Ask yourself that!"
For the second time in five minutes, what passed for Nobby"s face wrinkled up in deep thought.
"Is this a trick question, sarge?" he said, at last. ""Cos I know for a fact that Haddock has got that picture pinned up in his locker and every time he opens it he goes "Phwoar, will you look at th-"
" "How did you meet her, anyway?" said Colon quickly.
"What? Oh, our eyes met when I shoved an IOU in her garter, sarge," said Nobby happily.
"And ... she hadn"t just been hit on the head, or something?" "I don"t think so, sarge:
"She"s not ... ill, is she?" said Fred Colon, exploring every likelihood.
"No, sarge!" "Are you sure?"
"She says perhaps we"re two halves of the same soul, sarge," said
Nobby dreamily.
Colon stopped with one foot raised above the pavement. He
stared at nothing, his lips moving.
"Sarge?" said Nobby, puzzled by this.
"Yeah ... yeah," said Colon, more or less to himself. "Yeah. I can see that. Not the same stuff in each half, obviously. Sort of ... sieved. .
The foot landed. "I say!"
It was more of a bleat than a cry, and it came from the door of
the Royal Art Museum. A tall, thin figure was beckoning to the
watchmen, who strolled over.