Sean Killarny had more money than God and everyone within a one hundred mile radius, maybe further, knew it. He could have loaned the money and been done with it, knowing my father would pay him back eventually. But Sean had seen the dire truth of the situation—my father was in desperate need of the money and fast, and he would do anything to get it. Sean proposed the terms. He wouldn’t loan the money, but he would buy most of my father’s land with the intention of selling it back to him at cost when my father had the funds to repay him. In the meantime, we could still live on the land and wouldn’t have to worry about leasing it or anything of the sort. My father regretted it every day, but he hadn’t gotten any of this in writing, and so when things went badly later it was all his word against the other man.
My father trusted Sean Killarny and had no reason not to believe that things wouldn’t pan out exactly as he said. But when the time had come, and he was ready to buy back the land, suddenly Sean was unwilling. He said that the value had gone up and since our small piece of land bordered one of the corners of the Killarny Estate it would be a valuable piece of real estate for him to keep, but if my father really wanted it back then Sean was willing to give it up for twice what he had paid for it.
This was outrageous, and my father knew that it was all completely untrue. He threatened to take Sean to court over it, but as Sean was the one in possession of the land title, there wasn’t much to be done. Now he had my father between a rock and a hard place and insisted that if he wanted to stay on the land, he would have to start paying to lease the place. There was no other choice, and that’s what my father had started doing.
All of this had happened while Alex and I were in our senior year of high school. I was planning to go to a state college, while Alex was going to a different university out of state to get a business degree and we knew we were going to part anyway, but we had been together for so long at that point we decided we wanted to make it work. Four years was a long relationship at that point in our lives, and we didn’t want to throw it all away. Alex had been my first love and I his, and the idea of losing that was too much.
But we watched as our fathers quarreled and I saw how my mother was wasting away. The first drug trial had been a failure, so we put her on a second. With my father leasing the land back for use for his cattle we were leaking funds like a sieve, and there was very little to put toward my mother’s care.
Alex and I fought for months. I was so angry at his father that I couldn’t stand to be in the same room with him and even though Alex and I went through with it and attended our senior prom together, I refused to acknowledge his father’s presence when we took a photo in front of the grand staircase at Killarny Estate.
It had all blown up that night. A week before graduation, on prom night, with a wild thunderstorm raging outside of our school gymnasium, Alex and I had sneaked off to his truck where we had sex in the cab. Not for the first time, but Alex had been my first, and this was all part of the passionate, fiery relationship we had shared back then. We fought like cats and dogs, but when we got back together, it was like the Fourth of July with fireworks going off all around us.
I was putting my prom dress back on and suddenly the emotion of the night and knowing that I would be leaving for college soon got to me and I started to cry. Alex tried to comfort me, but I had pushed him away, angry that he was leaving, but more upset that he was related to the man who had done such an underhanded thing to my father—and Alex had done nothing to stop it.
That was the night that I said it was over, although we spoke again a week later at our graduation. It had been terse and then explosive, with me screaming at him in the darkness on the football field after our graduation ceremony, caps in hand, gowns still on. I told him I never wanted to see or speak to him again and I had held to my word.
And now here I was, recounting what had happened a decade ago to my best friend for the first time.
“I can’t believe you never told me what Mr. Killarny did to your dad. It’s so fucked up.”
I nodded, somewhat in a daze. “It wasn’t that I didn’t want you to know the truth of what went on between them. I just didn’t know what I should say. You know exactly how powerful Sean Killarny is in this town. Everyone is under his thumb in one way or another, or they are loyal to him.”
Lorna shrugged. “Well, you may have lucked out on your timing, because Sean Killarny has basically skipped town. He isn’t living around here anymore. I think he shows back up from time to time, but I heard he’s got a place down in Costa Rica.”
That didn’t make much sense to me, but I didn’t press. Maybe Emily Killarny had decided that she wanted a time share and they were spending their retirement basking in the sun on the beach. It was more than my parents would ever be able to do. My mother had passed away not long after graduation ten years before, and now I was on the verge of losing my father as well.
“Good riddance. It’ll be bad enough to have to see the rest of the gang of brothers around town.”
She regarded me for a moment before speaking up again. “And you’re sure you’re not still…I don’t know, harboring any kind of romantic feelings toward Alex?”
I frowned. “Seriously? It was all I could do not to spit on him when I saw him in the hardware store. He is the last person I want to see, and I definitely don’t want to be involved with him. That was over a long time ago, and I have no desire to see it start up again. There’s literally no good feeling left in me for him. What we had is nothing more than a memory now, and it’s a muddied one at that. We were kids, Lorna. You get over those things and move on.”
She took a deep breath and nodded. Our conversation moved toward other things, and I wasn’t sure exactly what I had hoped to accomplish by discussing that drama with her, other than to get it off my chest and finally let her know what had really precipitated my breakup with Alex Killarny.
A little while later after she was gone, I went over to one of the boxes of things I still had to unpack. I knew what I was looking for. There was a smaller box inside where I kept some mementos from when I was younger, and there I found the wallet sized photo of Alex and I that was taken at our prom. We looked so young like heartache had never touched either of us before. Somewhere in my eyes, I could see a hint of something though. I knew that things were going badly and that night was going to be tough. My mother was sick, and there was a sadness in my gaze as I smiled at the camera.
I looked at where my 18-year-old hand rested on his chest and thought about where it hand landed when I had crashed into him just a few hours ago—at exactly the same place. His chest was still as firm and as solid as it had been when he was 18, maybe even more so now. He was broader, and his hair was still black, combed back away from his face. His eyes were a coal gray and his gaze steady and unnerving as he regarded me at that moment, clearly as shocked to see me as I was to see him. And although I had run away, I had to admit there was a part of me that wanted to stay…to stand and look at Alex Killarny for the first time in ten years and get a good look at his gorgeous face, the lines of it, to see how the contours had changed and how the line of his jaw was still the very same as it had been the night of our prom when the stubble there had tickled my stomach as he brought his face between my legs and showed me what an orgasm felt like.
I pressed my thighs together as I thought about what it had been like to be with him back then. We were still very young, and I had been with men since, but none quite like Alex. No one that held me with the tenderness he had. No one that had the kind of command over my body, the way he insisted that I come multiple times before he ever thought about himself. But then when he was inside me, the insistent drive and his insatiable need for me.
I was wet just thinking about it, and I put the photo away, regretting that I had stirred up those long dead feelings, and desperately needing release at the same time. I stripped down and headed to my shower, intent on getting exactly that.