As far as I knew, Emma had no real memory of her mother. It made me sad, but I wondered if it was for the best that she didn’t know what she was missing out on. If Kelly had hung around much longer, it would have been more difficult than it already was to get Emma used to not having her mother around.
I had been so grateful to my parents for the support they were during that time, especially my mother. She had done all she could to be the maternal figure in my daughter’s life, but she never stopped pressing me to go on dates and get out there again, constantly reminding me that I was still young and there was happiness out there for me if I would just go looking for it.
Her last attempt had been just a few years before she passed away when I had first hired Hetty Blackburn, a local teacher, to be Emma’s tutor. The ranch was well out of the way, and it was quite a hike to the nearest school, so I had decided to homeschool Emma. It gave her a chance to be around the horses more and to study at her own pace, which was quite a bit faster than the average elementary school student, according to Hetty.
Hetty was pretty and a very sweet woman. Her black hair and blue eyes were a sort of bewitching combination that was hard to ignore, but I couldn’t get back into dating; not then and not now, even though it was 10 years since Kelly walked out. Even if I hadn’t already been very hesitant to date, Hetty already had one major strike against her—she knew my daughter.
I leaned against the bright white fence and watched as a group of our horses played together in the dewy field that was filled with clover. The place was even more picturesque than usual in this light. Killarny Estate was really something to be proud of, and I was so glad to have the privilege of being a part of a four generation horse ranch, the largest one in Kentucky, and now, for all intents and purposes, running the place.
One rule I had established for myself was that until I knew I could trust a woman, she would never meet my daughter. And since I wasn’t in the mood to start dating yet, nothing had ever made it that far. Sure, I had been with women since Kelly—too many to count—but I was there to get what I wanted and get out. I never went out with anyone that I thought was there for more than what I was because I had more heart than that. But I didn’t trust anyone to give me any more than what I was looking for at the moment. It was sex, pure and simple—though rarely pure or simple. I was there for a release, to have sex, hear them scream my name, and then leave quietly. The closest I had ever come to bringing a woman home was the Lawrence girl who I made it all the way back to the ranch with, but we never left my truck. We had made it as far as the pecan grove when I pulled over and had her right there in the cab of my pickup. When we were done, I turned around and drove her right back to her house. But that had been the last one, and that had been a long time ago now.
There was no need to complicate my life any more than it already was and I was certainly not going to bring any of these women into the life of my daughter. She had already experienced enough pain from my poor choices, and I wasn’t going to do that to her again.
My middle brother, Jake, came riding up on his stallion and brought the horse to a quick halt a few feet away from me.
“Showing off?” I asked as I cocked my eyebrow at him.
He swung down off the saddle and gave the horse a pat. “This bastard is ready to run!”
Clement certainly looked like he was ready for it. His eyes were wild, but it was clear that he was happy after his morning run with Jake.
“Think about how fast he’s going to be with one of the jockeys on him!”
I nodded. “We’re taking him to the Waters derby, right?”
“Yup, just a couple of weeks away now.”
I noted to myself that I needed to check that out on the calendar. There was still a lot left to do in preparation, and we weren’t sure how many horses we would be taking. Clement was certainly on the top of the list, but I knew we needed to have a few backups. Killarny Estate had always been top of the pack as far as producing some of the fastest race horses in the country, but ever since my father had packed it up and gone to Costa Rica, it felt like we had lost some of our edge. I had no idea what it was Dad had that we didn’t quite have down yet, other than the forty years of experience. What I did know was that it was crucial for us to win this derby. Things were tight, and if we were going to turn them around and maintain things the way they were around here, or if we were ever going to have any hope of making Killarny the very best again, we had to win the Waters derby.
“You coming?” Jake asked me as he brushed his reddish-brown hair back out of his face and wiped his brow with the back of his sleeve.
I looked at him bewildered. “Of course I am.”
He shrugged. “Don’t act like it’s a given. You haven’t been there in years.”
“Yeah, well…now I don’t really have any choice, do I? Dad is still in Costa Rica, and I don’t know the next time he’s planning on coming back, so I’ve got to
be there to represent the ranch. And I think Emma would enjoy the trip to Tennessee, so yeah, I’ll be there.”
“You’re not nervous, are you?” Jake winked at me, and I frowned in response.
“Why would I be nervous?”
“Because,” he began, pausing to spit on the ground. “Little Sara Waters is going to be there. I wonder if she is going to follow you around like she always used to when we were kids.”
I rolled my eyes. “Sara Waters is thirty by now. I am sure she has got better things to do than chase around a nearly middle-aged man with his twelve year old daughter in tow.”
“Hey now, don’t write yourself off just yet. You’re only a year or so older than her, right? I bet she would be champing at the bit to get a piece of a Killarny brother.”
I shook my head and started off back toward the stable, Jake following behind me with Clement.
“Then she can have her pick of the other four. Hell, she can have both Stephen and Sam if she wants them.” I stopped and looked around. “Speaking of that, where are the twins?”
Jake shrugged as he continued toward the stable. “Who the hell knows. They’re out every night of the week. Probably still in bed.”
I knew he was kidding about the last thing. If we had been taught anything as kids, it was that getting up early in the morning was the Killarny way.
“Okay, well. I need to go find them. I’ll get back to you about the Waters derby. We need to talk about some logistics getting there, but it can wait until later.”