“As long as you’re happy with the decision,” she said, and we walked toward the celebration that was already in progress.
Chapter 8
Madison
The smell of hot dogs and hamburgers on the grills across the park that spread around the square and off toward the lake in the center of town wafted all around, reminding me that I had failed to locate any lunch that day.
“Want something?” Alex asked.
I nodded, and we walked toward one of the stands where a church group was making and selling hamburgers. Alex bought us each one, and we carried them to a bench at the edge of the lake, taking a seat there and enjoying our dinner together.
“It’s sort of like old times, isn’t it?” He asked as he took a bite out of the hamburger.
I nodded as I reached to wipe some mustard from his face. “Exactly like old times.”
“I think you are prettier though.”
I shot him a look. “So I wasn’t pretty enough then?”
He put an arm around me and pulled me close. “You were fine as hell then, and you still are, but there’s something about the past ten years that has done a lot for you. I didn’t think it was possible.”
“You don’t look so bad yourself,” I said as I caught him staring at me. “You got a little fatter though.”
“Hey!” I laughed, and Alex reached over and gave me a slap on the ass. “You know I hate that!”
“You called me fat! I’ll have you know it is mostly muscle. I’ve done a lot of working out since you last saw me.”
“I noticed. You’re definitely not the scrawny boy I knew in high school.”
He shook his head dejectedly. “You are sure full of insults tonight.”
I grinned and scooted closer to him. It did feel like we had slipped into something like what we used to have. I wasn’t sure what to make of the feeling growing inside me. It was as if I had been transported back through time and we were picking up where we left off. But I knew it wasn’t that simple, and I had a feeling that Alex could pick up on that too.
“I was thinking about your dad’s place as I was driving into town.”
“Yeah?”
He nodded. “What it might take to get it back. I don’t know. Just a thought I was having. And I kind of wondered what he would think if he knew we were together.”
I tilted my head at him quizzically. “Are we together?”
“Do you want us to be?”
“I asked first.”
“Fair enough.” He was quiet for a moment, and I almost forgot that I was waiting for an answer. Turning to face the crowds around the lake I was lost in everything that was happening around us, wondering what our lives would have been like if we had never parted.
“I’ve missed you,” he said simply, after a few moments. “I’ve missed you every single day. I’m not going to make up some bullshit and say that I never stopped thinking about you or that there was no one else. That would be a lie. There have been other people, but as far as I’m concerned none of them were of any consequence. Of course, I slept with other women and even dated a few of them over the years.” He looked at me seriously now. “This is going to sound corny, but none of them ever really held a candle to you.”
I swallowed hard and looked back out at the lake. It was a lot to confront all at once. I wanted to be honest with Alex and tell him how I felt, but all of it made me feel so vulnerable. The thing that kept rushing back to my mind was how I felt in those first few weeks and months without him. It had been the worst kind of heartbreak, something I never wanted to go through again. I knew he had the power to make me feel that way and the thought of subjecting myself to it again was more than I could bear. Not when my father was this ill. Not when I didn’t know where things were going to be in six months time.
“I’d like it to be something, but you know…it’s been a long time. We’re different people. I wish we could pick up and start again right from where we left off, but I’m not sure if that’s healthy or even possible. I think we’ve got to acknowledge that we’re different than we were before.”
Alex nodded. “Okay then. I would like to get to know the woman you’ve become if you’re open to that.”
I smiled at him. “I could work with that.”
“Tell me about college. How did you decide on being a vet?”