Chloe: OMG! He seems like such a nice guy
Me: That’s what they say about every crazy serial killer EVER!!!!!! Don’t you know anything?!?! If you’d told me that…
Chloe: Are you home?
Me: Not yet. Soon. I just left him sitting at the restaurant after his request that I send him a picture of me masturbating in the bathroom
Chloe: WHAT?!?!?! Eeeeeeeew!
Me: Exactly. Where do you find these guys???? I mean, the marketing guy was bad, but Stephen is a whole new class of batshit crazy
Chloe: I’m so sorry!!!
Chloe: Actually, Ethan found this one. I promise, it will be the last guy I let him pick out for you
Me: It’ll be the last guy EITHER of you EVER picks out for me. I’m so done
There’s a pause, and the little dots disappear from my screen. Figuring Chloe got distracted by my new honorary niece—or her sex god of a husband—I’m just sliding my phone back into my purse when it vibrates again.
Chloe: Ethan wants me to tell you how sorry he is. And he wants to know if you need him to send a car for you
Me: I caught an Uber. But tell him he owes me a new dress because I’m totally going to burn this one. God knows what cooties I picked up from that guy
Chloe: He says to make it two dresses and a pair of Loubis. It’s the least he can do
I grin. Damn, my best friend hit the jackpot when she met that man. If it was anyone else, I’d probably be jealous considering the best I can do these days is Mr. Let-Me-Chain-You-Up-In-My-Red-Room-Of-Pain. But Chloe’s been through so much I figure Ethan is just the universe’s way of trying to get the scales back on some kind of even keel.
Me: Tell him he’s almost forgiven
Chloe: Maybe you should stay at Ethan’s and my place tonight, just in case Stephen didn’t get the hint
Me: I’m fine
Chloe: Are you sure? You know my house is always open to you
Me: I know. But I’m going home to take a bath and have a glass of wine. Hopefully the bubbles will wipe tonight out of my memory
…
…
…
I stare at the bouncing little dots, wishing that Chloe would just say what she wants to say instead of debating it for long seconds. Then again, I already know what she’s going to say, so maybe it’s up to me to put it out there first.
Me: ONE glass of wine, Chlo, not the whole bottle
Chloe: I’m not worried
Me: You’re so worried. But I swear, I’m not backsliding. I’ve got this
Chloe: I know you do
…
Chloe: Maybe you should get out of San Diego for a while. Come up to San Francisco for a visit
Me: You know I can’t. I have to find a job