Tom snorted. “If you did something like that … would you tell anyone? Would you even tell Chong and Morgie?”
Benny didn’t answer.
Tom pointed. “I can go back there and maybe stop those guys. Maybe even do it without killing them or getting killed myself, but what good would it do? You think they’re the only ones doing this sort of thing? This is the great Rot and Ruin, Benny. There’s no law out here, not since First Night. Killing zoms is what people do out here. ”
“That’s not killing them! It’s sick. …”
“Yes, it is,” Tom said softly. “Yes, it is, and I can’t tell you how relieved and happy I am to hear you say it. To know that you believe it. ”
There were more shouts and laughter from behind them. And another gunshot.
“I can stop them if you want me to. But it won’t stop what’s happening out here. ”
Tears burned in Benny’s eyes, and he punched Tom hard in the chest. “But you do this stuff! You kill zombies. ”
Tom grabbed Benny and pulled him close. Benny struggled, but Tom pulled his brother to his chest and held him. “No,” he whispered. “No. Come on. … I’ll show you what I do. ”
He released Benny, placed a gentle hand on his brother’s back, and guided him back through the trees to the tall grass.
11
They didn’t speak for several miles. Benny kept looking back, but even he didn’t know if he was checking to see if they were being followed or looking with regret that they’d done nothing about what was happening. His jaw ached from clenching.
They reached the crest of the hill that separated the field of tall grass from an upslope that wound around the base of a huge mountain. There was a road there, a two-lane blacktop that was cracked and choked with weeds. The road spun off toward a chain of mountains that marched into the distance and vanished into heat haze far to the southeast. There were old bones among the weeds, and Benny kept stopping to look at them.
“I don’t want to do this anymore,” said Benny.
Tom kept walking.
“I don’t want to do what you do. Not if it means doing … that sort of stuff. ”
“I already told you. I don’t do that sort of stuff. ”
“But you’re around it. You see it. It’s part of your life. ” Benny kicked a rock and sent it skittering off the road and into the grass. Crows scolded him as they leaped into the air, leaving behind a rabbit carcass on which they’d been feeding.
Tom stopped and looked back. “If we turn back now, you’ll only know part of the truth. ”
“I don’t care about the truth. ”
“Too late for that now, Benny. You’ve seen some of it. If you don’t see the rest, it’ll leave you—”
“Leave me what? Unbalanced? You can stick that Zen crap up your—”
“Language. ”
Benny bent and snatched up a shinbone that had been polished white by scavengers and weather. He threw it at Tom, who sidestepped to let it pass.
“Screw you and your truth and all of this stuff!” screamed Benny. “You’re just like those guys back there! You come out here, all noble and wise and with all that bull, but you’re no different. You’re a killer. Everyone in town says so!”
Tom stalked over to him and grabbed a fistful of Benny’s shirt and lifted him to his toes. “Shut up!” he said with a snarl. “You just shut your damn mouth!”
Benny was shocked into silence.
“You don’t know who I am or what I am. ” Tom shook Benny hard enough to rattle his teeth. “You don’t know what I’ve done. You don’t know the things I’ve had to do to keep you safe. To keep us safe. You don’t know what I—”
He broke off and flung Benny away from him. Benny staggered backward and fell hard on his butt, legs splayed among the weeds and old bones. His eyes bugged with shock, and Tom stood above him, different expressions warring on his face. Anger, shock at his own actions, burning frustration. Even love.
“Benny …”