Kat nodded.
Clelia laid her hand on Kat’s abdomen. “You’re so flat. When will you be able to feel the baby move?”
“Only from about five or six months,” Kat said. “Or that’s what I’ve read.”
Clelia got to her feet. “Do you like lavender? I’ll add some to your bathwater.”
Joss took Lann to the ground floor study and shut the door. Not being close to Katherine didn’t sit well with Lann. Whenever she was near, there was a displacement in the air around him. The first time he’d noticed her at the airfield in Santiago, the movement had been a soft whisper. As she’d swept past him, the molecules had gathered and twisted into a light vortex that had surrounded him. The beautiful movement had made him lightheaded. The way she made the air move around him was like a physical caress. Now that he was used to that sensual brush of air against his cheek, emptiness prevailed in her absence.
“Stop pacing,” Joss said.
Lann paused. He’d been walking back and forth like a caged lion. In an effort to remain still, he glanced around. “You’ve done wonders with the place.”
“It’s Clelia,” Joss said, looking proud. “We had the books transferred back from storage.”
Lann scanned the titles.
“How’s your new home coming along?” Joss walked to a liquor tray and poured amber liquid from a bottle with a Calvados label into two glasses.
“Good.” Lann accepted the drink Joss offered. “Only, it doesn’t seem half as important as before.”
Joss regarded him from the rim of his glass as he took a sip of the apple brandy. “A woman will do that to you.”
“If David had taken her…” Lann shuddered.
“Things between you and her are tense. She’s in a fragile condition. You need to loosen up. For her sake.”
“Loosen up?” Lann kept his voice level, but inside he was shaking. “She’s going to die, Joss.”
“You fucked up.” It wasn’t a question. Joss crossed his arms, his glass balanced in one hand.
“Do you think I got her pregnant intentionally? What the hell do you take me for?”
Joss watched him narrowly. “That’s not the fucking up I’m referring to.”
Lann returned Joss’s stare, but after a while, he admitted the truth. “I fucked up.”
“Fix it,” Joss said with an uncompromising tone.
“It’s not that simple.” Lann took a long drink. “How do you fix something with someone you’re killing?”
“Stop blaming yourself. As you said, you didn’t do it intentionally.”
Lann looked at his commander. Joss had never given him advice on his personal life. They’d never been close friends. Hell, he had no friends. He was good at keeping people at arm’s length. But he’d always known he could count on Joss where his life was concerned.
“You hurt her when you left Santiago,” Joss said. “That’s the part you better fix.” His voice dropped an octave. “You’re on a deadline.”
“Don’t I know that.” Lann rubbed the sore muscles of his neck. “I tried to protect her.”
Fine damn job he’d made of it too. If he’d contained his lust, Katherine wouldn’t be in this mess. God, he was a selfish bastard.
Emotions he’d been suppressing since he’d learned Katherine was pregnant rose in him like lava searching for an outlet to the surface. The glass shook in his hand. With a cry that could split a diamond, he flung the glass into the fireplace. The crystal shattered against the stone. A blue flame flared up and died a second later.
Joss didn’t move. “You’re expending your energy in the wrong way.”
Lann turned on his commander. He felt like tearing down the walls and ripping out his heart, because he didn’t deserve to have one.
“Don’t tell me how I should or shouldn’t react,” he said, his voice like frost.
“I’m not telling you what to feel. I’m telling you what needs doing. I know what I’m talking about.” Unnamed emotions flashed through Joss’s eyes. “I almost lost Clelia.”
“It’s not the same.” His anger vanished as quickly as it had erupted, leaving a terrible coldness in his veins. “You weren’t responsible for her imminent death.”
“Wasn’t I? Because of me, she faced danger. Because of me, she nearly died. Lupien was a breath away from killing her, and I had to stand by and watch, helpless.” He gripped Lann’s arm. “Eve will do everything in her power to find a cure.”
Lann nodded, his eyes fixed on the door.
“Cain’s arriving soon. He wants to interview you.”
Lann narrowed his eyes. “You mean he wants to see if I’m emotionally stable enough to do my job.”
Joss shrugged. “Of all the people I’ve met, you’re the most untouchable.”
“Yeah.” He pressed his thumbs against his tired eyes. Until Katherine.
“Go to her,” Joss said, “but calm the fuck down first.”
That was exactly what he was going to do. Time was too little, too precious.
Chapter 5
The candles flickered in the hallway as Lann passed. Despite the new modern overhead lights, Clelia still preferred illuminating the rooms with fire, her element. His element, air, was supposed to make him light, aloof, but his steps were like iron on magnet, his mind heavy as he made his way to Katherine.