He shook his head. “She’s got enough to deal with.”
“She won’t forgive you so easily this time,” Joss said. “Not if you leave her in the dark again.”
“What do I tell her? That I’m a killer?”
“You’re not a killer,” Clelia said. “You’re a soldier.”
Joss gave him a stern look. “She’s the mother of your child. You owe her the truth.”
“Not yet,” Lann said. “Give her time.”
He first had to convince her he loved her. If she believed him, it would be easier for her to accept what he did for a living.
“Are you not telling her because she won’t be able to handle the truth, or because you can’t bear to break it to her?” Joss asked.
“I’ll handle it, dammit.”
Clelia’s voice was gentle, her expression concerned. “Come back inside.”
He shook his head. He needed the storm. He wanted to feel it lash around him.
“Lann,” Joss said, “Pull yourself together. She needs you.”
The last part caught his attention. Yes, Katherine needed him. But damn the winds from all corners of the earth to hell and back, he needed her too. He needed her for longer than eight months.
“I’m responsible,” he said.
He didn’t have to elaborate. He could see from Joss and Clelia’s faces they knew what he meant.
“Let’s talk about it,” Joss said.
Clelia huddled against her husband. “I’ll go see if Kat needs anything.”
When they turned, Lann followed.
Inside the warmth of the castle, Clelia went upstairs while Joss brought Lann to the study.
Lann smiled grimly. “It seems we’re spending a lot of time in here talking about how I’ve fucked up.”
“You’ve got to stop blaming yourself.”
Lann paced the room. “How can I not blame myself?”
“It’s not your fault. You didn’t know.”
Lann uttered a cold laugh. “Like hell it’s not my fault. If I’d stayed away from her…”
Joss crossed his arms. His gaze followed Lann as the latter moved around the room. “What matters now is that she needs you.”
Lann stopped. He placed his hands on his hips and hung his head. “She asked for a wish.”
For a while, Joss didn’t say anything. When he finally spoke, his gaze was somber. “What did she ask for?”
“To visit her parents.”
“That’s reasonable,” Joss said. “We’ll have to discuss safety measures and how much information she’s going to give them.”
Lann closed his eyes briefly. “I’m not sure I can handle it. If I witness her suffering, having to say goodbye to them, forever, and them not knowing…” He looked away.
“Remember what you told me when Clelia asked me for a wish?”
Lann nodded, but he didn’t look at Joss.
“You told me it had to be granted because that’s our rule,” Joss said.
“And you said we didn’t have any damn rules.”
“But you reminded me that wasn’t our code of conduct.”
Lann winced. “Don’t throw my own words back at me.”
Joss’s voice was soft but stern. “You have a duty.”
“I know my duty.”
“Then do it. She’s waiting.”
If it were the last thing he did, he’d do his duty. Lann inclined his head stiffly when he passed Joss. He made his way upstairs, but didn’t go to Katherine immediately. Instead, he walked to the room Eve had converted into a lab.
The doctor was bent over a microscope when he entered.
“Have you found out why my fertility reversed?” he asked, angry with himself for something he didn’t understand.
“Good evening to you too.” Eve didn’t turn away from the microscope, but she acknowledged him with a smile.
“I’m sorry. I…” He wiped a hand over his chin.
“No need to apologize.” Eve typed something on a keyboard before facing him. “I can’t give you any definite answers yet. I’m looking into that, but my focus is rather on helping Kat.” She sighed and walked to the coffee machine on the table in the corner. “Want some?”
“Yeah.” He noticed the dark circles under her eyes. “I appreciate your effort. I know you’re putting in long hours.”
Eve poured two mugs and handed him one. “All I can tell you is that it’s not easy. Your physical morphology is not exactly what we know as normal. From what I can see, your hormones changed when you started having intercourse with Kat. I checked the blood samples I routinely took from you before and after. I have a theory though. I think something in Kat’s body triggered your hormonal change.”
“And that reversed my infertility?”
Eve leaned against the desk and cupped her mug. “Maybe you were never infertile.”
He frowned. “What are you saying?”
“That you only needed the right female to breed. By our standards, you would’ve been classified as infertile, but maybe not by your kind’s.” She left the mug on the counter and picked up a piece of paper that she handed him. “I found some old scripts. At first, I didn’t take them for more than the usual folklore, but that story captured my attention.”
Lann’s scanned the printout.