“And what’s that?” he asked as he captured her hand, turned his head, then kissed her palm.
“You’ll fight with our guys until it is right.”
“That could come at a high cost this time,” he said as a heaviness settled in his heart. Still holding her hand, he pressed her palm against the left side of his chest as though her touch could somehow seep through his skin and bones and lift the weight on his heart.
Oddly enough, it did just that.
Shell tilted her head. “You think any one of your men would suggest something different? You think there’s an ol’ lady in the bunch that doesn’t trust you and the club to protect them? We all want the same thing here, Aiden. And that’s for our family to thrive. We can’t do that if there’s a threat to the club.”
Sixteen years his junior. Just twenty-four years old, and Shell had more wisdom and maturity than most of his club combined.
“How’d I get so fucking lucky?” he asked as he tucked a loose curl behind her ear.
Shell shrugged. “The accent. It’s the honey that drew this fly.”
Instead of laughing and kissing her as she’d probably expected, he said, “I need to talk to you about something else serious.”
“O-okay…” Shell answered, her eyes going wide and body stiffening. “Is something w-wrong?” She swallowed. “Are you okay?”
Fuck, he was an idiot. Of course she’d worry about him. He ran his hands up and down her arms. “Yes, babe, of course. Sorry. Didn’t mean to scare you.”
“Phew,” she said with a small laugh, pressing a hand to her heart. “Okay, lay it on me.”
“I—” The words died in his throat as he took in the sight of his smiling wife.
Fuck.
Fuck.
This was going to tear her apart. But it had to be done. It was the best, the safest, the smartest decision.
“I’m thinking it might be a good idea for me to get a vasectomy.”
A barked laugh came from her, and she whacked his arm in a barely felt slap. “Okay, har har, very funny. What did you really want to talk to me about?” Then she rolled her eyes. “Is there even a real thing? Did I just get played, hard?”
He squeezed her hands. “Uh, no, Shell. This isn’t a joke.”
Immediately, as though someone flicked a switch, the light in her eyes died. “Wh—you’re serious?”
“Yes.”
“Wow, uh, I, uh…help me out here.” Her mouth opened and closed as she struggled to understand his seemingly abrupt change of heart. But it wasn’t abrupt. He’d been stuck on this for weeks.
“Toni was almost killed by Shark. Steph was kidnapped. Chloe raped. Fuck, even Izzy ended up in the hospital because of the club’s enemies. I’m not invincible, Shell. If something were to happen to me—” Shell flinched, and he felt like the lowest piece of shit, but he held his ground. “I can’t put you in a position where you might be left alone with a baby. And fucking Christ, Shell, if something happened to you or Beth…and to have more…”
Shit, he was barely making sense at this point, but the words weren’t there. Putting a voice to his fear for Shell and Beth made it too fucking real.
She blinked, staring at him as though she’d never seen him before.
Giving her time to process, he remained quiet, though he wanted to shake a response out of her. Was this it? The end? When she’d slap him across the face, curse him, and run out. Was today the day she realized she could be with a different man. A man who could give her what she wanted?
All of that would be less than he deserved, yet the thought of having to watch Shell walk away from him had him clutching the arms of his chair so hard they creaked.
“I’m sorry,” she said after a few moments. She climbed off his lap and paced, wrapping her arms around herself in a protective hug that had him itching to provide the comfort she needed. But he’d caused the pain and would most likely be rejected. “I’m just a little surprised.” She stopped walking and stared at him with devastation written all over her face. The woman couldn’t hide shit from him.
With a nod, Copper said. “I’m sorry to drop it on you like that. Outta nowhere. But it’s this kinda shit that happened today,” he said, pointing to the phone, “that makes me realize I’m right in this. More kids just aren’t a smart idea, babe.”
Shell swallowed then nodded. She pasted a smile on her face that wouldn’t even convince a stranger she was happy, let alone the man who knew her inside and out. “I understand your concerns. But, Copper, it’s almost Christmas. Let’s get through the holidays, and then we can talk about this.”
Shit, that grin was phony as fuck. Disappointing her gutted him, but Shell was a reasonable woman. She’d come around and recognize his judgment was sound. Intelligent. Safe.