My voice broke in the middle of it, and Rhoan wrapped an arm around my shoulder, hugging me close. It felt so safe and warm-like everything would be okay, no matter how bad things got. Which is everything I should have felt with my soul mate, and everything I didn't.
"Tell me," he said softly.
I took a deep, shuddering breath, then said, "Kye is my soul mate."
For several seconds, he didn't react, but I felt his surprise as sharply as if it was my own. Then it burst out of him. "What? Are you sure?"
I laughed, but it was a harsh, almost crazy sound. I gulped back the anguish and rubbed my free hand over my eyes. They still ached, though the tears had yet to come. "As sure as you are that Liander is yours."
"Fuck."
"To put it mildly."
"But..." He paused, as if to gather scattered thoughts. "How can your soul mate be someone you don't actually like?" He glanced at me. "Or do you? Like him, that is?"
"He's the last man on this earth I would ever want to be linked with." Although I guess he was better than someone like Gautier, the rogue guardian who'd hated me as much as I'd hated him. At least he was dead and out of the picture. Hell, the way fate loved playing with my life, I'm surprised she didn't pick him as the one.
"Then how the hell can he be your soul mate?"
"It's not like anyone has ever tried to sit down and examine the rule of soul mates. It just is."
"But I've never heard of anyone actively disliking her soul mate. Surely there has to be some sort of connection between you both that attracts?"
Another bitter, edgy laugh escaped. "Oh, there's plenty of attraction."
So much so that I very much doubted that Kye would actually stay away for long. He couldn't, not if he was feeling what I was feeling-a cold emptiness that seemed to clutch at the heart and make it ache. Make me ache.
"I didn't mean physical attraction-that's obvious. I meant you've got to have a lot more in common than just physical attraction."
I took a drink of coffee and looked up at him. "And where in the rule book does it say that?"
He frowned. "Well, it only makes sense, doesn't it? Why else would the bond be a lifetime one? There has to be at least some common ground between the two parties involved."
"There's lots of cultures around the world that still believe in arranged marriages, Rhoan. In such situations, the families pick the mates, and often it's without input from either person." I paused for more coffee. "And a lot of the time, it's done purely for social or economic gains for the family."
"That's different."
"No, it's not, because either way the participants have no choice, whether the decision is being made by the parents, or by the moon and fate."
"Damn it, it's wrong. He's a killer-a cold-blooded killer. He can't be your soul mate!"
I smiled, and again it was bitter. "We're both killers, Rhoan."
"But we kill for the right reasons. We don't hire ourselves out to the highest bidder."
No, but we still killed, and innocent people sometimes did get hurt because of our actions, and maybe that was our meeting place. The one thing Kye and I had in common.
I rubbed my eyes again. "None of this really matters, Rhoan. It is what it is, and now we have to deal with it."
"How did Kye deal with it?"
"About as well as me. He doesn't want it any more than I do."
"So where is he?"
"I have no idea." And despite the coldness deep within, I didn't really care. I didn't want to care. Not about him, not ever. "He's probably off somewhere shooting someone in frustration, for all I know."
"If he did, we could hunt him down and-"