“I’m trying to keep you alive.”
“But only because you need me to find the keys. If it came to a choice between saving me and gaining the keys, we both know I’d be a goner.”
He didn’t say anything. And whatever he was feeling, whatever he was thinking, he was keeping it all locked down very tightly.
I sighed. “We can’t keep doing this, Azriel. We can’t keep arguing over this same point. Either you and I take the risk of deepening our relationship, or you accept the fact that I will take other lovers, be that Lucian or not.”
He made a sharp “whatever” motion with his hand. “You are right. I will not mention it again.”
“Good.” I spun on my heel and headed for the door.
But as I reached for the handle, he added, “I told you once that reapers are sexual beings, that we mingle energies and recharge ourselves with other energy beings.”
I paused, my fingers still on the door handle as I glanced over my shoulder. “Yes, so?”
His expression was as remote as ever. “So, we can only recharge with those who possess a harmonious frequency, and such compatibility is not widespread. When a connection is found, it is to be cherished.”
I frowned. “I’m not getting the link between this and what we were discussing.”
“The connection,” he said softly, “is the fact that I can recharge with you.”
I blinked. To say I was surprised was an understatement. Hell, I was flesh and blood, and he was energy. How was something like that even possible?
“I’m not a reaper. I’ll never be a reaper.”
“No, you are not.”
My confusion deepened. “So what exactly are you trying to say?”
“Nothing. I merely explain what you see as unreasonable behavior.” He hesitated, and something flashed through his eyes, something that resembled pain. “I once had a recharge companion, but she was killed while escorting a soul through the dark portals.”
“I’m sorry—”
“There is no need for your sorrow. She died long ago, and was not my Caomh. While I regret her passing, it was not a life-altering event.”
Caomh was the reaper equivalent of a life mate if I’d understood the little Azriel had said about them. “So, is the fact that you can recharge through me a sign that the assimilation threat is greater than you were admitting?”
“No. I am, as I said, merely explaining why I react to Lucian’s presence in your affections.”
Because he wanted to protect something that was rare and precious in his world. And yet, at the same time, he was desperate to avoid it because he feared that it might cloud his judgment when it came to his task here. No wonder he seemed all over the place when it came to the two of us.
“What happens to reapers who do not find someone who is compatible energy wise?”
He shrugged. “Their life span is shortened. Even energy beings eventually need some means of sustaining themselves.”
“So recharging is as much about food as sex?”
“Yes.”
“Then how did you survive so long without your recharge partner?”
“I survive because recharging for a reaper is not the everyday necessity that it is for flesh-and-blood beings. We can go eons before the lack affects us.”
Thank god I wasn’t a reaper, then, because I actually enjoyed the daily necessity of food and sex.
“Look, I’m sorry you’ve been put in this position, Azriel, but I can’t stop living my life because you and I share what is rare in your world—especially when it’s something you fear will endanger us both.”
“I understand this now and, as I said, I will not mention it again.” He hesitated briefly, and again emotion flashed through his eyes. This time, though, I couldn’t really define what it was. “I just wanted to explain why I react as I do.”