“Then why didn’t the Raziq just kill me? Wouldn’t that have been easier for them?”
“They would not have done it unless there was little other choice. And they also know I would have killed you had they chosen such a path. Once dead a second time, your soul would have become one of the lost ones – inaccessible to both them and us.”
A ghost, I thought with a shiver. At least I’d been saved from that. “So why is what you’ve done so very different?”
“Because I merged our beings rather than just pulling you back. It made you more. Made you what I am.”
“But in the process, made you less.” Because he could never again become a soul guide. He would remain a Mijai for the rest of eternity.
“I am well aware of the price,” he replied coldly. “But I had no choice – and no desire – to do otherwise.”
It was a statement that could have meant anything, but even so, something inside me leapt in hope. “So this is what you meant when you said that death was not the answer?”
“Yes.”
“Then why the fuck,” I practically exploded, “didn’t you explain that to me at the time? Why keep something like that secret? If I’d known —”
“Would telling you have made you any less angry at my actions?”>“Next time it may not make a difference.” He took a deep breath, then blew it out. It was a heavy, frustrated sound. “I guess I’d better ring Ilianna and tell her what happened.”
“Good idea.” I glanced around the sodden living area. “There doesn’t seem to be much in here worth salvaging.”
“No. But hopefully the bedrooms will be relatively untouched.”
Hopefully. The doors still being closed was a good sign, at least. “You planning to stay the night?”
“Yeah. The fire burned out the security system, so I’ll keep watch until we can get it fixed.” He studied me for a moment. “What about you?”
“I’ve got a key to hunt down, and a deadline to beat.”
He frowned. “What deadline?”
I briefly explained what my father had done, and he swore softly. “Shit, we can’t seem to catch a break, can we? Not from fucking anything.”
“It would certainly appear that way.”
He hesitated, then said, “You can’t do this on your own, Ris. You need help – of the reaper kind.”
“I know.” I’d known it since I’d woken up earlier this morning. It had just taken me a whole lot of angst and arguing with myself to come to the conclusion everyone else had already reached. “I’m just not sure what to say, given the way we parted.”
“It’s simple. You need to explain why you were so angry, and he needs to explain why he did what he did. And then you both need to apologize and move on.” He half smiled. “There’s a world of people who are relying on you both, even if they don’t know it.”
I sighed. “I know. Trust me, I know.”
He placed his hand over mine and squeezed lightly. “You feel hungry? The lamb I was preparing is more than a little overcooked as a result of the fire, but I can wander down the street after I ring Ilianna, and pick up some burgers and coffee.”
“That would be lovely. In the meantime, I might just bite the bullet and contact Azriel.”
“Then I shall take my time getting back. Just in case there’s fireworks.”
“I’m not intending to argue —”
“I wasn’t talking about arguing,” he replied, a cheeky smile touching his lips. He bent and kissed my cheek. “Good luck.”
“Thanks.” I was no doubt going to need it.
Tao left, closing the door behind him. I turned and retreated to my bedroom. I really didn’t want to confront Azriel in the ruins of our living room, just in case, one way or another, things did get heated.
My bedroom had a definite smoky smell, and plenty of water had crept under the door, soaking a good portion of the carpet near the door, but otherwise, everything was as I’d left it. Which meant it was messy – tidy I am not. I grabbed a bunch of towels from my en suite and dropped them over the soaked carpet in the vague hope they would sop up some of the water. Then I walked to the center of the room, my stomach twisting into knots – as much from fear that he wouldn’t respond as from anything else.