“It’s … Your mother was the one who handled the nurturing part. I’m not …” He stopped, his wide shoulders dropping, and attempted to explain himself. “I’m trying. I may not show it the way she did, but I do love you.”
“Why do you refer to her in past tense?” The candy went sticky in my tightly closed fist. “‘Was.’ ‘Did.’”
His whisper hurt me worse than a scream. “There’s been no improvement; in fact, she’s declining. You’d know that if you’d go see her.”
“Are you saying it’s my fault she’s getting worse?”
“No, but hearing her son’s voice, feeling his touch, that couldn’t hurt her. You know how much she loved—”
“Loves. Loves. She loves me. I sat with her when you were dead. I did everything I could. I even tried—” I broke off just in time. “I know what my mistakes are; I don’t need a list from you. I’ll make sure Michael checks in with you while we’re all in Memphis. There’s nothing else to say.”
I stared at him until he shut the door behind him, and bitterness curled around my rib cage until I couldn’t breathe.
I dropped the candy into the trash and dug my flask out of my suitcase.
Chapter 20
“My ass is gonna be so flat by the time we get out of this car, I’m going to have to blow it up with a bicycle pump.” Lily leaned forward to rub her lower back.
I bit my tongue to keep from telling her that nothing would make her ass less than perfect. It was too early to get coldcocked, especially by a hot girl.
Instead, I fished for my hat on Em’s floorboard, retrieved it, and pulled it down over my eyes. My sunglasses weren’t doing enough to fight the remnants of last night’s poor choices.
Dru had a college friend who worked at the Peabody Hotel, and she’d comped a suite for us. Em made us leave at the crack of dawn so we could go straight to the school. It was still early when we parked outside the administration building. Bennett University sat on the eastern outskirts of Memphis, and the boundary surrounded almost a hundred acres of forest and academia.
“It’s like I’m in the English countryside,” Lily said as we drove through the open iron gates that led onto the property. The campus was more fairy-tale village than college. Gothic arches, dark patches of forest, cobblestone sidewalks. Everything was green, gold, and shades of red.
I slid out of my seat and walked around to open Lily’s door. She managed to tear her eyes away from the scenery. “What is this? Chivalry?”
“No. You have the Hot Tamales.” I held out my hand. “I need a hit.”
She shoved the box into my stomach and the connection made a loud crushing noise. “Hot Tamales. Atomic Fireballs. Sizzling Cinnamon Jelly Bellys. Red Hots. I’m surprised you have any taste buds left. Or teeth.”
“Do I make the obvious hot-stuff joke here, or refrain?”
“Refrain.”
She grabbed a square, padded canvas bag from the glove box and slid out of the car. After unzipping the bag, she took out her camera, unscrewed the lens cap, and started snapping.
“Shouldn’t we be thinking about what we need to do next?” I asked Em, watching Lily walk away.
“No. Let her go,” Em said from beside me. Michael was still in the car. Checking in with Dad, I was sure. “She’ll get the buzz out of her system in a minute or two.”
“Is she always like this?”
“Yep. She gets kind of possessed. Or obsessed.”
Even though she was in earshot of the conversation, Lily never wavered, focusing her attention on a single yellow leaf hanging on to the end of a tree branch. She lay flat on her back in the grass to take a shot from below, and then climbed halfway up the trunk to take one from above.
“She’ll catch a glimpse of something she wants to shoot and she’s gone. If not physically, like hanging off the edge of a building or scaling the side of a mountain for a perfect shot, then mentally. She frames shots and fiddles with depth of field and apertures and generally does her thing until she realizes a world exists outside her pictures.”
“Is she good?”
“Unbelievable.” Em smiled like a proud parent. “You’ve seen the photographs in Murphy’s Law.”
“Those are hers?” I asked, remembering how amazing they were. “Those photos are masterpieces.”
“Yes, they are.”