Molly and Colton are both looking at me, and I climb off the couch and wander into the kitchen so they can’t see my face while I talk. It’s not like my reactions are going to give away the contents of the conversation, but I know Colton would freak about the possibility of me moving. “Thanks, Penelope. I’ll look for it.”
“That’s great. Talk soon?”
I nod, even though she can’t see me. “Talk soon.” I end the call, and when I turn around, Colton’s in
the kitchen with me, studying me.
“What was that phone call about?” Colton asks.
“Nothing.”
“Ava, since when do we keep things from each other?”
I grunt. “Since always?” I love Colton and I do tell him a lot, but I’d confide in Jake long before him.
“Was it the job in Florida?”
I gape at him. “How did you know about that?”
“Dad told me. He thought maybe I’d remember the area well enough to help you get settled.”
My father is so determined that he knows what’s best for me and my career that he’s already mentally moved me down to Florida. “Well, don’t get ahead of yourself. I’m trying to keep all my options open in case I get laid off this summer, but as of now I don’t have any plans to move.”
He folds his arms. “You, Ava Drama-Is-My-Life McKinley, don’t want to move to Florida to teach nothing but theater classes to a bunch of private school kids?”
Nothing but theater classes? No composition? No grammar and rhetoric? I look to my computer and wonder if that’s what I’ll find in Penelope’s email. “My life’s here, Colton.”
But it’s not much of a life, is it? It’s days working at a private school for a man who has so little respect for me that he’d put his hand up my dress. The nights working at Jake’s bar are fun, but they aren’t the way I imagined I’d be spending my time at this age. Then coming home to an empty house? That’s the hardest part.
“The way you tell it, the job sounds a little too good to be true,” I say. “I think Dad pulled some mob-level favors to get a school to woo me before I’ve even had an interview.”
He shrugs. “Maybe he did. You know Dad. Nobody wants to disappoint him.”
“Present company included?”
He releases a puff of air. “Fuck that. I live to disappoint that man.”
I wave a hand. “This conversation is so premature. First of all, I have a job here. Second, this lady is just going through the motions as a favor to Dad.”
“You think Dad’s worked magic, when the truth is he had Jill send your résumé. Any magic is yours. It’s who you are and what you’ve accomplished that they’re after. Not Dad’s approval.”
My heart swells. My little brother can be a self-centered jerk sometimes, but here he is noticing my accomplishments. “Thanks, Colt. That means a lot.”
He lowers his voice. “And if you do get pregnant? How do you think Dad’s going to handle that? Do you really want to be here for that fallout?”
He’s right. It would be nice to start my life fresh in a town away from my ex-husband, his beautiful new wife, and all the judgmental stares of everyone who knows I wasn’t good enough to keep him. But if I have a baby, I can’t imagine being anywhere but Jackson Harbor. Sure, I’d have Mom close in Florida, but one woman can hardly substitute for the support system I have from thirty years living in Jackson Harbor.
“I don’t know.” It’s the most honest answer I can give him.
“I hate the phrase failed marriage.” I turn away from my window and blink at Jake. I didn’t mean to say that out loud, but the twenty-minute drive to my ex-husband’s baby shower has had my mind twisting in knots as it travels down memory lane.
Jake takes his eyes off the road for a beat to flash me a sympathetic smile. “I never thought about it, but I guess it is kind of shitty.”
I shrug. “It might be fair—I failed to make it work—but I still hate it.” In truth, my marriage feels like nothing more than a series of failures. My failure to communicate effectively with my husband, my failure to be the kind of wife he always imagined having on his arm at business dinners. My failure to get pregnant . . .
When you’re planning a wedding, friends and family shower you with gifts to prepare you for your new life together. Champagne glasses for when you celebrate anniversaries. A stand mixer for Christmas cookies. Picture frames for your memories.
No one prepares you for the failures. “This is what you should do if your husband doesn’t want to sleep with you, and this is how you should handle it when he looks at you like he feels stuck and is disappointed.”