She realizes her mistake at the same moment that her words register in my mind. Both of us turn our eyes to Max, who’s gone statue still next to William.
The air seems to dance in the tension between us. I wait for him to take a breath, for some evidence that he didn’t understand what she said or that he thinks it’s a joke. But he’s frozen for so long that my heart is stuck on a never-ending free fall into the infinite depths of my stomach.
Finally, Max slowly lowers his glass to the counter, turns, and walks out of the bar without a word to any of us.
“I’m so sorry,” Lizzy whispers. “It just came out. I didn’t realize you hadn’t told him yet. I suck and I’m the worst.”
The door swings closed behind him as he leaves in no apparent rush and with no apparent destination. I can’t even imagine what he’s feeling.
“I hadn’t gotten to that part yet.”
“Well, I know it must be a shock, but I’m a little pissed. Could be he’s going to be a dad, and unexpected or not, he doesn’t have to be a dick. Men. I swear.”
“It’s not his baby,” I whisper. Because I remember now.
Five days before my accident. At Nate’s house. It was a memory I thought I’d recovered, but I was missing so much of it. The second half. The part that changes everything.
“What do
you mean? How do you know?”
“I never slept with Max, but I’m not a virgin.” Something clenches, tight and painful, in my chest.
“The baby is Nate’s?” All the horror I’ve felt in the last few seconds flashes across Lizzy’s face, but I can’t stand here and talk about this with her. I need to go after Max.
I rush out of the bar and spot him on the sidewalk less than a block away. I jog until I catch up.
Sensing me, he stops and turns to me when I’m still a few steps away. “Is it true?” he asks, his eyes dipping to my stomach.
“I’m sorry,” I whisper. “I’m so sorry.”
When he lifts his icy-blue eyes to mine, they’re hard. “When did you find out?”
“While I was in LA.”
His jaw ticks. “Were you planning to tell me?”
“Yes. Of course. I just—” I have no excuse, so I go with the truth. “I didn’t know how.”
He steps off the sidewalk into the grass and sinks to his haunches. “It’s his?” He pauses a beat and shakes his head. “Of course it is. Who am I kidding?”
I close my eyes against the onslaught of emotions I’m feeling. Pain—for him, for me. Guilt. Regret over how I’ve handled this from the beginning. And frustration that there’s still too much I don’t know and don’t remember.
His jaw goes hard and he pushes to standing. “You deserve better than to get knocked up and abandoned.”
“It’s not like that.”
“Then how is it? You just told me it was over between you two.”
“It’s complicated.” Even more so now with my latest memories clicking into place.
“No shit.” His body deflates a bit, the fight draining out of him. “What is it about me? Why could you give him…”
I know what he’s asking. Why could I have sex with Nate when I couldn’t even let Max see me naked? I understand the question, but I don’t say anything because I don’t know the answer.
He shakes his head and drags a hand through his hair. “Never mind. I have to get out of here, Han. I can’t… I just can’t.”
WHEN I return to the bar, the whole place is quiet but for the sound of an anchorman on the TV hanging above the bar. At first, I think they all know about my pregnancy and the drama between Max and me, but then I realize all my friends are standing too, their eyes glued to the television.