Suddenly, his arms are around me and he’s pulling me against his chest, holding me against his heat like he has so many times. And because I’m weak, I let him. I let him hold me and I take in his scent, memorize it. Because I have to end this.
“I never meant to hurt you,” he whispers. “I was trying to help, and—”
Even weakness has its limits. I shove him away and swipe at the tears on my cheeks. “Don’t.”
“I fell in love with you,” he growls. “Don’t you get that?”
“What? When? While you were making me into some kind of experiment? Seeing if you could cheer up the fat chick by taking her on a few dates?”
“You are fucking beautiful, and I hate when you talk about yourself like that.” When I lift my chin, he shrugs helplessly. “I don’t know when. After Liz talked me into—”
“Liz?” I feel like someone punched me in the stomach, and no matter how many times I try to draw in air, none makes it to my lungs.
Max wi
nces. “I’d asked her out. She yelled at me. Told me I was an idiot if I thought she was going to go on a date with me when you were so hung up on me.”
“She told you to pretend to want to be with me?” I’m surprised I can form the words with what little air I can draw into my lungs. Bad enough that Max always wanted my twin. Bad enough that I wasn’t on his radar. But Liz—my sister and my best friend in the whole world—was behind the stupid idea to fake interest in me.
Max hangs his head and shoves his hands in his pockets. “She was sure that you’d worked me up to be better than I was. That if you went out with me a couple of times, you’d realize I wasn’t this great catch.”
“So you did it? To…what? Get rid of me?”
“It wasn’t a hardship, Hanna. You’re gorgeous and sweet and—”
“And you only went out with me because my sister told you that was the best way for me to get over you.”
His jaw tightens and he locks his gaze on mine. “Does it matter? Sometime after that first date and before that first kiss, my reasons changed. And then I fell in love with you. Maybe I wasn’t looking for it to happen, but it did, okay? I fucking fell in love with you. Whatever was once between me and Meredith is over. Once you and I were exclusive, there was no one else. I wouldn’t do that to you.”
“I know you wouldn’t,” I whisper.
“So why are you throwing this away? Why are you giving up on us?”
I cross my arms, shielding myself, my heart. “I didn’t need you to save me from my insecurities, and by trying to, you’ve only made them worse.”
“What do you want from me? Tell me and it’s yours.”
“All I ever wanted was you, Max.”
“I’m yours. You are the only thing that matters in my world. Don’t you see that?”
I shake my head. “I don’t.”
“Take some time. Think about it. Don’t throw this away.”
I wish I could believe he wanted me for the right reasons. “It’s too late. Knowing the truth hurts too much.”
“Only because you don’t see yourself the way I see you.”
“Please…” I take a step back.
I can’t risk him changing my mind. And I love him too much to explain why I don’t believe him. I love him too much to see the hurt on his face when I tell him what I understand now: that, whether he knows it consciously or not, he wants my money more than he wants me. Needs it more than he needs me. And I love him too much not to make sure he gets at least some of what he needs.
“Consider my request. Consider keeping this a secret until after you get the grant.”
“No. Either you’re mine or you’re not.” His voice is a low rumble. “None of this pretend bullshit.”
A humorless puff of laughter escapes my lips. “The irony.” Then I walk out the door before the last of my willpower dissolves completely.