“I don’t know.” I shrugged. “It’s only been a few hours since . . . I haven’t had time to think.”
Skylar slid off the washer. “I don’t want to see you fuck up your career so some bored, rich dude can get his rocks off, however hot he might be.”
How could I explain that what she was describing wasn’t what had happened between Hayden and me? We’d shared things. Connected. Hadn’t we?
“Look, I won’t say anything to anyone,” she said.
I hadn’t asked her to keep my secret, but I still felt equal measures of relief and guilt as she spoke.
“I don’t want you to get in trouble. I like you and Moss would have a fit. He’d fire you in a nanosecond. But if August or Eric or someone else was to find you . . .” Yachting could be bitchy and there were plenty of second stewardesses who would have taken the opportunity to bury me. I was lucky Skylar was standing in front of me and not one of the countless other, more ambitious girls I’d worked with.
“I know. I’m sorry,” I said. “I didn’t plan it.” I hated breaking the rules, but I especially hated pulling Skylar into this mess.
“I can’t imagine you did. You’re always so careful about everything. So . . .”
My stomach churned. She was right. Hayden had me making decisions that were against my nature, against my better judgement. What was I thinking? I’d gotten away with it this time. I hoped. But the only way to ensure no one else found out was to put a stop to things. “I should be clear with him that nothing else is going to happen between us.” I hated the sound of the words as they left my lips.
“Maybe. I just know that the road you’re on at the moment seems to be signposted trouble,” she said.
I was so used to having as much in my life nailed down as possible, so used to being focused, to following the rules, that continuing to break them didn’t seem realistic. But the alternative of never being with Hayden again seemed unbearable. It was as if someone had opened the curtains in a dark room and shown me I’d been missing daylight this whole time. It was too heartbreaking to shut those curtains right away. But Skylar was right. This sunlight—Hayden and everything he brought with him—could burn, corrode, and ultimately destroy my entire world. And in four weeks he’d be gone anyway. What was I doing?
Skylar opened her arms to give me a hug and I slid off the dryer into her grasp. “Whatever you decide, be careful. We’re in close quarters and people are pretty good at sensing chemistry. You only need people to suspect something for things to get difficult for you.”
The sensible decision was to put a stop to whatever had started between Hayden and me. Things had gone too far already, and it wasn’t as if we were going to ride off into the sunset. It was ridiculous to think it might be the beginning of something. In four weeks, the charter would finish, Hayden would go back to London and I’d continue with the season here. Where did that leave us? And if there was nothing beyond these next four weeks then surely losing my way of supporting my family couldn’t be worth it. However painful it would be, I needed to redraw the line in the sand before I lost everything. I had to end whatever there was between us.
Twenty-Five
Hayden
I should be fucking delighted. My phone call with the lawyers had ended. Negotiations were productive and we were ahead of schedule, but all I could think of was the way Avery had looked at me as she’d packed up the game—equal parts devastation, capability and determination. She’d lost all of the softness and vulnerability that I uncovered when we were alone together and her expression when I left her had rusty, sharp edges that pierced my gut.
I needed to keep distracted. I grabbed the satellite phone from my desk and punched in Landon’s number.
“Everything okay?” he answered.
“I’m getting impatient about finding this leak. You’ve been on it weeks now.”
“Feel free to hire someone else, you dick. If you want this job done properly, then you’re going to have to be patient.”
I knew my brother was the best, but I wasn’t about to tell him that. “I just don’t understand what’s taking so long. Have you been investigating Cannon too?”
“No. We’ve just been fucking around drinking beer and chewing the fat.”
I knew I was being unreasonable, but I was annoyed that I’d been careless with Avery. I prided myself on my self-control. Why the hell hadn’t I been able to resist touching her?
“Sounds like you need a shag,” Landon said.
I nearly told him I’d gotten plenty last night but held back. It would be my normal exchange with Landon, but for some reason I didn’t want to describe what had happened as a shag. Sure, I’d released a lot of pent-up frustration and it had been a phenomenal night but—it wasn’t just a shag.