“I know. But—” I almost said that we could come back another time, but I stopped myself. There wouldn’t be another time. Not for Autumn and me. “You get to enjoy it with Bethany.”
“Let’s not think about it and just enjoy dinner,” she said, taking the cloche off a plate in front of her. “Pasta. If your kiss didn’t make me giddy enough, this might push me over the edge.”
I took a seat kitty corner to her so we could both see the view.
“I think we should be honest,” Autumn said after she swallowed her first mouthful. “To your friends. Or Hollie.”
“Okay,” I said, not wanting to commit myself to anything. What did honest mean? What would we tell them?
“But only if they ask.” She twirled her fork around, catching her spaghetti. “Hollie will be pissed whether or not I’ve been hiding it from her.”
“I like the idea of being honest,” I said and took a forkful of pasta. It didn’t sit well with me that Autumn was keeping things from a sister she was so close to. And that I was keeping something from Dexter that I knew he’d feel strongly about. But honesty was more than just responding to a question. It was offering up information if you knew someone would want to know. Wasn’t it?
“And if they ask, we say . . .?” I took a sip of champagne and waited for Autumn to reply. My feelings for Autumn had grown the more time I spent with her, but I understood that going forward wouldn’t be easy. She wasn’t going to be Bethany’s nanny beyond July, and she was planning out the rest of her life. I couldn’t demand to be included.
Autumn was never shy, but the way she looked at me from under her eyelashes suggested she didn’t want to be the first to offer an answer.
“I guess we say that we enjoy each other’s company,” I suggested.
She nodded as she chewed then swallowed. “Exactly. We like spending time together. And we’re hanging out and having fun.”
I chuckled. “I’m not sure Dexter will believe that. ‘Fun’ isn’t the first thing my friends associate me with.”
“Well Dexter hasn’t slept with you, so he would have no idea how fun you can be.” Her eyes widened and she grinned as if to say, Yes, I really said that. “What else would we say?” she asked, lowering her voice, almost like she didn’t want to ask the question. But it was a question she was going to have to answer. I didn’t want her to give anything up by being with me.
“I think your suggestion is good,” I replied. “We’re having fun.”
“And we’re using condoms and I’m still on the pill.”
I tried not to choke. “Do we have to get into that much detail?”
“Hollie is terrified I’ll get pregnant before I ‘fulfil my potential.’ I used to get lectures about it all the time back in Oregon. And to be fair it’s not like she didn’t have reason. There were so many girls back home who you’d think were going places before bam, they’d get knocked up by their boyfriends. Before you knew it, they’d be behind the registers at Trader Bob’s, working night shifts so they could look after their eleven kids during the day.”
“Wow. That’s an image.”
“Maybe not eleven, but you get the picture.”
“I do,” I replied. “But we’re not in Oregon. And—” I stopped myself before I said I didn’t want eleven kids. We couldn’t have that conversation. Because that was about the future. And we didn’t have one. We were having fun. We enjoyed each other’s company.
“Okay, so we have birth control covered,” I said.
“And I’ll just tell her that Bethany doesn’t know. We’re not hurting anyone.”
“Right,” I replied.
She exhaled what seemed like a long-held breath. “Right,” she said. “Ultimately, it’s no one’s business except ours.”
“Except that Dexter is one of my oldest friends. And I like Hollie and would hate to upset her.”
“I’ll handle her,” she said with a sigh.
“We’ll handle them both,” I said and took her hand. “And in the meantime, we’ll have fun. And enjoy each other’s company.”
She laughed. “Well that’s a guarantee coming from you, Gabriel Chase.”
I smiled despite the kernel of unease settling in my chest. I didn’t know what it was about Autumn, but despite me doing my best to stay in the here and now, when I was with her, my mind couldn’t help wandering to the future.
Nineteen
Autumn
We looked up at the ceiling of the huge ballroom and tried to count the number of lightbulbs in the ornate glass chandelier. It must have been at least three hundred. “Just the name Dorchester sounds fancy,” I said.
I’d never stepped inside a fancy hotel before I came to London, and not only had I stayed in one in Rome that was at least a thousand times bigger than the trailer I’d left behind in Oregon, I was now checking out all the best ones in London. Not to stay in, but for Hollie’s wedding venue.