Teach Me Dirty
He didn’t answer me, not for ages.
“This is such fucking bullshit,” he seethed. “The man should be fucking disgraced. He should be GONE!”
“George!” Mum hissed. “Please!”
I forced my voice out. “If I don’t see him again, you’ll leave him alone? Is that what you’re saying?”
Dad folded his arms, glared at me. “I don’t know what I’m fucking saying!”
The silence was putrid and horrible.
Mum sighed. “We just have to do what’s right for Helen, George.”
“And what about him?!” he said. “He just carries on, gets away scot-fucking-free?”
“I don’t give a fuck about him!” Mum cried. “I don’t care, George! I just care about Helen’s exams! I just care about our daughter!”
“AND SO DO I!”
“Then don’t ruin it! Please, George, don’t ruin her A-Levels!”
I didn’t care about my A-levels. Even the thought turned my stomach.
I repeated my question. Calmly. Quietly. “If I don’t see him again, you’ll leave him alone?”
Dad gave a horrible sneer. “I don’t know if I can. I want to rip his fucking spleen out.”
“Dad! If I don’t see him again, will you leave him alone? Yes or no?”
He weighed it up, I could see it written across his face. “If you even said one word to him, Helen. One fucking word outside of class… If you even looked at him…”
The tiniest sliver of relief in my gut. “And you’d leave him alone? If I didn’t?”
“For now,” he snarled. “Until your exams are over. JUST for your fucking exams, Helen. But you’re fucking grounded. Grounded full-time, grounded until your fucking shipped off to university. If I catch wind of you so much as looking at him in any fucking way that isn’t exam related, the whole fucking thing is over, and I’ll be straight into school and I’ll ruin the seedy, disgusting sonofabitch.”
Oh God.
“And then what? When I’m at university?”
He looked at Mum and then to me. “You won’t see him again. That’s the fucking deal, Helen. I won’t tell the school, so long as you don’t fucking see him. This year, next year, five fucking years down the line, never. You talk to him, you so much as even look at him, I’ll be straight into that school, and I’ll make sure he fucking pays for what he’s done.” He drew breath and his eyes were like coals. “Don’t think I believe your tall fucking tales, either. I’ve got no fucking idea how long this shit’s really been going on, Helen, but believe me, if I need to find out, I will, and I’ll be calling the fucking police in to help me.”
My blood ran cold. “That’s so unfair. I was legal, I was an adult.”
“They can establish that for themselves, can’t they?” He shot me evils that cut right through my heart. “Don’t think for a second I won’t be watching you. I’ll be watching everything. Every. Fucking. Thing. One wrong move and it’s game fucking over.”
I got to my feet, and met him with a stare that came straight from the soul. Straight from my broken heart. “You don’t need to watch me,” I said quietly. “Because I would never, ever do that to him. Not in a million years. Not if my entire life depended on it.”
He groaned. “You’re so fucking deluded, Helen. You live in cloud fucking cuckoo land.”
“Mark loves me…”
He laughed, and it was so cruel. “Give me a fucking break.”
“And I love him…”
“As if you know what fucking love is. You need to grow the fuck up. This is nothing but a stupid infatuation, you don’t know the first fucking thing about love.”
“I know more than you think.” My voice was weak. “I know how I feel about him, and I know how he feels about me.”
“HE CAN FACE THE FUCKING MUSIC, THEN!”
I shook my head. “I never want that to happen to him. Never.” I choked back sobs. “I’ll do what you want, I promise, no phones, no internet, no anything. Just please don’t ruin him, Dad, please don’t. I couldn’t bear it! Please! I’ll do whatever you say!”
He pointed at me, jabbed his finger hard through the air. “You better not be shitting me, Helen.”
“I’m not, I swear!”
Mum covered her eyes, started crying.
Dad looked at her but didn’t react. He stood motionless and angry.
“Prove it,” he said.
***
I could barely dial the number. My fingers fought every step, my sanity shrivelling.
But my resolve stayed strong.
Dad was standing right by me, hands on his hips and an expression like death on his face.
Mark answered on the third ring.
“Helen…”
“I can’t speak long,” I said. “My dad’s with me, I just…” I choked back a sob. “I just need to say some things…”
I heard his breath hitch. “Helen, please, just listen to me. Whatever you’re thinking, whatever you’re doing, you don’t need to do this. It’s ok, it’s all ok.”
I shook my head, sobbing. “Dad says he won’t tell anyone, not if I don’t see you again.”