Shiloh knows what it means to never be able to go home again. Her parents made my father look like he should be accepting Parent of the Year awards. Even without the specific details, I know she was abused and that they’re religious zealots. I try not to think about her past too much, because doing so is shitty for my blood pressure, and she won’t thank me for trying to step in and save the child she used to be.
“I know you didn’t forget,” I say quietly. “But you have to understand how I felt seeing you two in the bar…” I wave my hand at her. “Seeing it now. It feels like you got into bed with the enemy.”
“In bed with the enemy,” she repeats. Shiloh narrows her eyes. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but did you not fuck Monroe on Lammas night?”
“That’s different.”
“Is it?” She stalks toward me. “So different that you’ve been hiding from her ever since. The only other of your brothers who’s avoiding his Bride is Gabriel, and he’s a baby.”
“He’s twenty-eight. He can be forgiven for not knowing what to do with Fallon.”
“Then she shouldn’t have been his selection. Better that he get Matteo or Winry.” She stops and makes a face. “Maybe not Winry.” Shiloh shakes her head. “None of this addresses the fact that you don’t have a say in who I sleep with, Broderick. And if you’re determined to avoid Monroe and pretend Lammas never happened, then you don’t have a say in what she does, either.”
The fact that Shiloh isn’t going to leave me alone.
Monroe’s words echo through my mind in really unpleasant way. “She’s dangerous. She’ll poison you.”
“That’s my decision to make.” Shiloh laughs, but not like anything is funny. “As for being dangerous, so is every other person in this house. So am I. Or did you forget everything I’ve done since I joined up with you?”
“I haven’t forgotten.” We all have blood on our hands. Every single one of us. Fighting hasn’t been the first course of action, but most of the time it’s inevitable. When we were exiled from Sabine Valley, we lost our claim to anything resembling home territory. No matter where we went, we were always the interlopers, always the one that had to be driven off by whoever owned that space. Often violently.
She searches my face. I don’t know what my expression is doing, but whatever she’s looking for, she doesn’t seem to find. “This is a mess.”
Mess is a gigantic understatement. I look down at her, and I suddenly miss her so fucking much, I can barely breathe past it. We haven’t exactly been apart, but something’s changed between us and we both know it. I feel like she’s slipping through my fingers, and no matter how tightly I try to grasp her, to reclaim the easy intimacy of our friendship, I only make things worse. “I’m sorry,” I say again.
“I know.” Shiloh looks away. “But being sorry isn’t enough, Broderick. I know being back here isn’t easy on you, but you’re not the only one having a hard time.”
Is she talking about herself? I reach out hesitantly and clasp her shoulder. “Do you want to talk about it?”
For a second, I think she might, but Shiloh finally shakes her head. “No. It doesn’t matter in the grand scheme of things.” She covers my hand with her own and gives it a squeeze.
We look at each other and it’s the way things used to be. I can almost picture how the rest of the night should go. I’ll offer to pull out a movie from Finnegan’s endless collection, she’ll get the snacks, and we’ll hole up in the mini movie theater for the duration. For a few hours, things will be normal again.
But then Shiloh steps away and I let my hand drop. She moves past me to the door and opens it. “If you want to keep hiding, that’s your choice. But not all of us have that option. Not all of us want that option. If this is home now, for better or worse. I’m going to make work.”
“With Monroe.” The words are out before I can call them back.
She gives me a long look. “She’s the enemy, but she’s also your Bride for the next eleven months. Have you considered how you could use that to the advantage of the Raider faction?” Shiloh is gone before I can come up with a response. It’s just as well. I’m not sure what I’d even say.
Use Monroe to my advantage?
That orgasm must have gone to Shiloh’s brain, because the woman I know never would have suggested such a thing. The entire reason we came back to Sabine Valley and Abel stepped into the ring on Lammas, the very purpose of our Brides, is to get revenge. Sending Fallon and Monroe back to their respective positions during the day means we have an in with both Amazons and Mystics. A way to get to the very heart of them and rip it out.