The tears overflowed and dripped down her cheeks.
“Yes, you’re absolutely right. I won’t deny it. If we hadn’t met or been together, I would have taken Catherine back. But who fucking knows what would have happened? I might have been with her for a while and realized it wasn’t how I remembered it being. And then maybe I would have stayed for Ryan, but maybe I wouldn’t have. But that doesn’t matter because we did meet. We did get together. We did fall in love.” My hands were clenched so tightly into fists that the tendons in my forearms hurt. “Does it kill me every single time I have to give Ryan back? Fuck yes. Does it hurt that I can’t be with him all the time, that I won’t get him every Christmas, that I won’t get to be part of his daily life? Yes. But that’s how it is. I’m not going to go back to Catherine when I’m in love with another woman. Don’t you think that’s unfair to Catherine? To be with her when I’m in love with somebody else?”
“I honestly don’t think she’d care…as long as you were a family.”
Her mind had been poisoned, and it was driving me insane. “Where the fuck is this coming from? We were fine, and then—” I remembered the first time I’d noticed her sudden change in mood, when we stepped into the elevator, the day Catherine dropped off Ryan at the office. “Did she say something to you?”
She immediately looked away.
Now smoke was coming out of my ears. “What the fuck did she say to you?”
She just shook her head.
“Sicily, I asked you a goddamn question. Tell me, or I’ll call her ass up right now and ask her.”
She turned back to me. “It doesn’t matter what she said, because I already had these thoughts before she even said anything to me. Ask your mom. I said the same thing to her.”
“I…I can’t believe she would do that to me.” I couldn’t believe Catherine would manipulate my relationship to get what she wanted. She left me. She walked away. How dare she sabotage the best thing that had ever happened to me?
“That’s not how it happened, okay? She just said that it hurts both of you to trade Ryan back and forth, and you still love each other…and I’m the only reason you couldn’t work out your differences.”
I shook my head, about to chip my own tooth. “Don’t listen to that bitch.”
Her eyes widened.
“Think of the source. Of course, she wants you to feel guilty so she can get me back. Don’t listen to her. I’m not going to be with a woman I don’t love anymore because of obligation, because I’ll be a great father without being married to his mother. We will make it work.”
Instead of being persuaded, she was in the same emotional state as before, as if nothing had been resolved.
“This is so fucked up, by the way, to say this to me before I leave tomorrow.”
“It was the only choice.”
“No, it’s not, Sicily. Don’t do this—”
“It’s already been done.”
“What happened to we’ll always remain professional, regardless of what happens between us? Now you’re just leaving? Replacing yourself with someone I haven’t even met? How is that professional?”
“Because I don’t think it’s fair to Catherine for you to see me every day while the two of you—”
“Be co-parents and nothing more?” I asked incredulously. “Sicily, I don’t want to be with her. How many times do I have to say it?”
She turned to look at me, head on and still. The look lasted a while, her gaze burning into mine. “You know I’m right, Dex. You know everything I said is true. And if it were you, you wouldn’t let yourself be the reason Ryan’s parents aren’t together.” She left the couch and walked to the door without looking back.
Despite my anger and disagreement, I didn’t go after her.
I was actually too pissed for it.
I was pissed at Sicily for making this decision, and I was super pissed that Catherine put those thoughts into her head because she still felt entitled, when she had no rights to me any longer. Now, I was about to leave tomorrow, and there was no time to do anything except allow it to happen.
Twenty-Three
Sicily
I didn’t feel good about blindsiding Dex like that.
But I knew if I didn’t take advantage of the timing of the situation, I would never have the strength to leave him. I needed time and space to prepare Kendra to replace me, time alone so I could sob on my couch while I cried tears of wine from the bottle I drank. Now, I didn’t have a job, and while I had my savings, I needed to find something soon.
I wanted to go back to the Trinity Building.