“I know. She’s hesitant about it, and I get that, but we both need this, and I know if she was in the same boat, she’d do the same. And I’m sure she’ll try to do some sort of ridiculous repayment plan or something. God, she’s probably working one out right now, with interest.” That was probably exactly what she was doing right now. I could see her with her brows furrowed in concentration.
Ansel chuckled.
“You’re right. I’m sure she is.” Obviously Ansel hadn’t known Cara as long as I had, but they’d met at the hospital right around the time I’d met him at a queer event, and had grown close in the years since.
“It just frustrates me that there’s a solution to a problem, and she might not want to do it. I just don’t want her to give up on her dream. She’s been wanting this her whole life. She used to operate on my stuffed animals and take out their fluff organs and then try to sew them back up.”
Ansel snorted into his slice of pizza.
“Not gonna lie, that’s a little disturbing.”
“I used to hand her the knife my parents told me I wasn’t ever supposed to touch, so there you go.” He raised his eyebrows.
“Now I’m scared of both of you.”
“You should be,” I said, tipping my beer at him.
I WAS GOING BERSERK waiting to hear from Cara. I had to fight every single urge in my body to text her and ask her what she thought. Instead, I texted and asked how she was.
Not great. Still crying.
Oh, that was not gonna fly. I asked her if she was at home and she said she was. Since I didn’t have a job anymore, I could do things like go and rescue one of my best friends in her moment of need in the middle of the day. I also brought cannoli from Mike’s Pastry, and a freshly made green juice with turmeric. I figured they were both needed.
I didn’t let her know I was coming over until I was outside her door.
Are you serious was the only response when I texted that I was waiting for her to let me in.
A few moments later, there she was, unlocking the door and letting me in with a shake of her head.
“You’re ridiculous.”
“I know. But you love it,” I said, holding out the box of cannoli and the green juice.
“I do, and thank you.” Her eyes were red and puffy, and her cheeks were ruddy from streaking tears.
We walked up a set of narrow stairs to her tiny apartment at the top floor of the house, and settled down in her microscopic living room. There wasn’t even room for a full-size couch, only a love seat and a tufted chair perpendicular to it.
I decided to suck down the green juice and chase that with a cannoli. Cara went right for the cannoli.
“I needed this so much,” she said through a mouthful.
“I wish you’d called me sooner. I would have been here. I can be here now because I don’t have a job. Yay.” I waved my hands in mock excitement.
“Have you had any luck so far?”
“Not really. I’ve gotten a few immediate rejections, and no interviews yet. I don’t expect to hear on some for at least a week or more. Finding a job takes time. I wish one of those headhunters would find and recruit me. How do you get head hunted?”
She finished her first cannoli and licked her fingers.
“I have no idea. But if anyone should get head hunted, it should be you.” I squeezed her shoulder.
“Aw, thanks.”
There was a lull as I selected my first cannoli and Cara grabbed her second. I wasn’t quite sure how to bring up what I really wanted to know. As if she was reading my mind, Cara said, “So I thought about it. The marriage thing.”
“And?” I said, nearly jumping off the chair and dropping my cannoli.
“And... I’m still on the fence. It just seems like such a bad idea, Lo. Like, I’m afraid god is going to strike us down if we do this. Or that the government will put us in jail.”
“I mean, if we’d tried to get married a few years ago, we wouldn’t have been able to, but it’s all legal and shit now. The government, and god, have bigger things to worry about than if we’re getting married for love or money. And, to be fair, I do love you. You’re my best friend, Cara. Always have been. Don’t tell Ansel.” He would be extremely upset if he knew I’d called Cara my first and most best friend.