Marriage of Unconvenience

“Why are you like this?”

“Because?” I handed her the phone back, but I was instantly ready to go for it again if she tried to trick me and send the money back.

“You’re keeping that damn money and you’re going to use it to get through school and then you’re gonna be the best damn PA the world has ever seen and I will have the honor of being your best friend. That’s more than enough for me.”

Cara was trying not to smile.

“Sometimes I don’t know what to do with you, Lo.”

I almost blurted out something completely inappropriate about things she could do with me.

I seriously needed to get my shit together. This whole marriage thing had messed with my head, and I was acting like we were a real couple. I had to stop doing that. At least I’d managed to stop myself before I said something I would regret. Unlike that kiss the other day. We still hadn’t talked about it, and I hoped we never would. I wanted to push that so far aside that I forgot that it even happened and it vanished from my consciousness. That would be great, to have a nice little memory eraser to get rid of the things you definitely did not want to think about anymore.

“Just get me a nice card. One of the ones that costs like eight dollars. Then we’re even.” She snorted and got up from her bed. We were still waiting for our couch, so we usually ended up in her room when we hung out since her bed was bigger than mine.

“I can’t believe it’s all happening. The money and moving in and all that. My brain can’t catch up that this is all reality and it’s happening to me. You made that possible and I can never thank you.” Oh, here we go again.

I got up and put my arms around her shoulders.

“You don’t have to thank me. You would have done the same, and that’s all I need to know.” I thought I could feel her heart racing, so I let go, but she grabbed my arm and pulled me into a hug.

“You’re everything to me, Loren. I’m so glad you’re my best friend.”

“And fake wife,” I said.

“And that.” Her voice cracked a little bit, and I thought that she might be crying. I hoped they were tears of happiness. This money solved so many problems for us. Not all of them, but a hell of a lot of them.

“I love you so much, Lo,” she said into my shirt.

“I love you so much, Care.” She was definitely crying and I wasn’t sure what to say to make it better, so I just did what I usually did. I held her tight and let her have a moment. When she was ready to talk (or not), she knew I was there. I’d never thought I was super good at emotional support, but I guess I’d done well enough with Cara because she was still here.

Cara stayed in my arms for what felt like ages, and I didn’t think she was crying anymore, but I guess she still wanted to be held, so I was going to hold her. Forever, if I had to. I’d taken vows, after all, even if we were going to annul them. Yeah, I didn’t want to think about that.

I felt her let out a huge breath and then she let go of me.

“Thanks,” she said, her eyes and cheeks a little red.

“Is everything okay?” I asked.

She nodded and wiped her cheeks.

“Just overwhelmed, I guess. With everything. This has been a really busy month.” It had, and I didn’t want to stop and think about it. Too much had happened and there was no use going back and overthinking it now.

“It’s going to be really busy when you’re in school. I’m probably never going to see you. I’ll be here and you’ll just live in the library and your room and coffee shops and only come up for air and food and showers.”

“You’ll be there to make sure I eat and don’t get too stinky,” she said.

“Yup, that is one of my best friend duties.” I saluted her and she laughed before reaching for a tissue to blow her nose.

Something hung in the air, something unsaid. I had sensed its presence ever since before the wedding, and I wasn’t sure what to make of it. These few weeks had been some of the happiest and most confusing of my life so far.

“Do you ever feel like... like you don’t know yourself as well as you thought you did?” Whoa, that was some deep shit. I needed to sit down for this. I claimed my spot on her bed and patted the spot next to me. She sat down and I could tell from the wrinkles on her forehead that she was wrestling with something.