“I’ll be outside, keeping guard.”
When the door closed behind him, I tugged Cosette tight against me. “I’m not like other Weres. I don’t love being a wolf unless I’m in a secluded area. Even when I shift, even when we’re fighting vampires and demons, I don’t trust him. It’s something I’ve been working on, but…”
Therapy had done a lot, but it hadn’t fixed everything.
“I don’t think I’ll ever be as okay with my wolf as most Weres. My past makes me hate what I am. The constant battle I feel with him is exhausting. I won’t miss it. So, don’t worry there. So, if I lose my wolf, I’m okay with that. If nothing happens when I lose the tie, then no big deal either. It’s a risk worth taking.”
She sat up, pulling away from me just a little bit. “Are you sure?” The way her voice rose a bit higher showed just how unsure she was, but I could be confident enough for the both of us.
“Of course I’m sure.” I smiled at her, hoping to tell her with that look that everything was going to be okay. “And the other possibility? We’re not going to think about because it won’t happen. You can’t get rid of me that easily.”
“But—”
I squeezed her hand to cut her off. She had to stop thinking the worst would happen. “There’s at least a two out of three chance that everything will be fine.”
“That’s still a one out of three chance that it won’t.”
I could feel the argument rising up in her and I had to shut that down. Fast. “You can’t think that way. I won’t die. You have to trust me.”
“No. This isn’t about trust. You’re in a court that you know nothing about. You’re ignorant here, and that could cost you something more than I am willing for you to pay.” She looked away from me, waiting for me to counter what she said but we both knew I couldn’t.
She was right. I didn’t know much about the fey, so I needed another argument. Something that she couldn’t disagree with. “Eli wouldn’t have sent me here if it was going to kill me.”
She scoffed at that. “Eli doesn’t give a shit about any of us.”
Oh, man. She was being so stubborn. “I don’t think that’s true, but let’s at least agree that he cares about the new council. If either of us dies, Tessa, Dastien, and everyone else would have to get together and redo the spell. If we’re really mates, it’s very possible that if I die, you might follow me. Who could fill our spots? And would he really want to spill more of his own blood for the spell?”
She was quiet. Her eyes were darting around the room as she thought, as if she’d find some answer written on one of the walls.
I was getting through to her. Finally. I just needed to keep going. “It’s in his best interest that we both stay alive, and he was the one who brought me here, insisting that I find a way to get someone here to agree to break my lunar tie. He said that the only way to help you—to save you from your assassins—was to break it. I have to assume that it’s not going to kill me. That he wouldn’t bring me here just to let me die.”
She looked down, and tried to pull her hand from mine, but I wasn’t going to let her.
“I…I just don’t trust him.”
I tapped on her forehead until she met my gaze again. “Why?” I needed to know if I was going to understand what was going on.
“I’m not allowed to talk about it.”
Another law or rule or bargain. “Damn it. Your fey ways are really messed up.”
“I know. This one is on Ziriel, though. Not my mother. I can’t reveal anything about the last time I was here or anything else that I know about Gales.” She was quiet again, and I knew she was trying to think around the oath she made.
“I overheard you talking with that guy about the last time you were here—Asheral. You killed a lot of their court?”
She looked away again. “Are you sure you still want to be with me? Knowing that I have that killer in me?”
Was she honestly worried about that? In all the times we’d talked on the phone, texted, messaged, she never brought up anything like that before. “I’ve seen you kill. That night, after you saved me. Van left to check on the humans, but my pack came back. You killed most of them before Van came back to help you. I saw you do it. You killed in the chapel. And I know you’re a lot older than me. You must’ve been in countless battles.”
She slowly nodded.
“Did it bother me when you killed my pack?”
“I don’t know. I didn’t ask.”
Damn it, Cosette. She was always thinking of the worst thing. “No. It didn’t bother me. I was grateful that someone could do what I couldn’t.”
She finally met my gaze again, and I took a steadying breath. “I love you, Cosette. I see you. I see exactly who you are, and I’m willing to risk everything to be with you. You matter to me.”