He reached over, rubbing his hand down my back. “I’m proud of you.”
“Shut up.”
“No. Seriously.” A faint smile appeared. “You made the call before Ian spoke to you, when you thought he was truly lost to you. You didn’t think of what you wanted, but what was best for the people of both Solis and Atlantia. Many wouldn’t have done that.”
“Would you?”
His forehead creased as his attention returned to the bay. “I’m not sure. I’d like to think I would have, but I think it’s something you really can’t know for sure until you’re in that position.”
Silvery moonlight glanced off the curve of his cheek and jaw as if the light of the moon were drawn to him. “So, you believe that Ian isn’t like the others? That what he said is true?”
He didn’t answer for a long moment. “I believe in things that make sense, Poppy. Him telling you to wake Nyktos because his guards can defeat the Blood Crown only makes sense if he was trying to help us. I cannot think of how that would help the Blood Crown. Like I said in there, they have not indicated that they want you dead. I do think he’s trying to help you—help us—at great risk to himself. For him to be willing to do that to help his sister has to mean that he’s still in there. A normal Ascended would be looking out for only themselves. He’s not like them.”
I briefly closed my eyes, nodding. Hearing that Casteel believed that Ian was still in there erased the tiny doubts I still had and made what we needed to talk about easier. “And that could mean that some Ascended, young ones like Ian, who might not have had years and years to control their bloodlust, aren’t a lost cause.”
“It could.”
“And Atlantia is preparing for war—to kill all the Ascended. Your mother told me it wouldn’t matter if Ian wasn’t like the others. They wouldn’t take that risk.” I moved to what was left of a pier, sitting on a stone post. “I can’t let that happen. We can’t let that happen.”
Casteel turned to me, remaining quiet.
I took a deep breath as I looked up at him. “It’s not just about my brother. Yes, he’s a big reason. I know your mother wants me to choose the Crown because I love Atlantia, but there isn’t enough time for me to feel that way. I…I don’t know if I need to right now. Because I am already protective of Atlantia and her people. I don’t want to see them used by the Ascended or harmed during a war. I also don’t want to see Solis ravaged. I know you don’t either.”
“I don’t.”
My hands started to tremble, so I folded them between my knees. “I have no idea how to rule a kingdom, but I know that can be learned. You said so. Your mother said so. I don’t know if I’m ready for that, or if I would ultimately make a good Queen, but I want to make things better for the people in Solis and in Atlantia. I keep thinking about how the Ascended need to be stopped. I know that needs to happen, and that has to mean something, right? And I have to believe that being able to possibly prevent war is worth figuring that out. People’s lives are worth that, including my brother’s. You’d be by my side. We’d rule together, and we’d have your parents to help us.” And maybe I would come to love Atlantia as deeply as he and his parents did. It already felt like home to me, so it was possible. But there was also a little guilt. I wanted his mother to approve of why I decided to take the Crown. I swallowed, but a knot remained in my throat. “That is if you want this. If you can be happy with this. I don’t want you to feel forced into it,” I said as he took a quiet step toward me. “I know you said that part of you knew it would happen eventually, but I want you to know for sure that this is what you want and not…not do it just because I’m choosing this,” I finished, watching him and waiting for a response. When he stopped before me, saying nothing, the knot expanded in my throat. “Are you going to say something?”
Casteel knelt in front of me, resting a knee in the sand. “I told you before that if you wanted the Crown, I would support it. I would be right there with you. That hasn’t changed.”
“But what do you want?” I insisted.
He placed his hands on my knees. “This isn’t about me or what I want.”
“Bullshit,” I exclaimed.
Casteel laughed. “I’m sorry.” He dipped his chin, grinning. “You’re just adorable when you curse.”