“Are you sure I won’t intrude?” Mom asked. “No girlfriends that will be upset that they can’t come visit?”
There it was. Mom’s not so subtle way of asking if I was seeing anyone.
“No, Mom, no girlfriend.”
“That’s too bad,” she said. “You don’t want to end up like Tom, wasting away for years before he found his love.”
“I’m fine alone, Mom, really,” I said. “I’d rather not get into this right now, if that’s okay.”
“She just wants you to find someone to make you happy,” Jordan said.
“Alright, that’s it,” I said. “I’m on my fifteen.”
“Weren’t you already?” Jordan teased.
“No,” I said, firmly. Standing, I headed to the back and out the door into the fresh air.
I hated when they ganged up on me. It was bad enough when it was just Mom doing it. I could kind of look past it because she was my Mom. It was her job to make sure we all had partners and kids and were happy. But when my brothers ganged up on me, especially now that all of them were married off with kids, it was too much. I didn’t want to talk about it, not just because I wasn’t seeing anyone, but because I wasn’t sure I even wanted to get married. I saw how happy it made my brothers, but I wasn’t them. I was pretty okay being alone.
I took my time outside, psyching myself up for the day, and went back in, putting on a brave face.
When the shift was over, I gathered Mom, who spent a good ten minutes saying goodbye, and got her into the car.
When I opened the door of my apartment, I saw the disappointment on Mom’s face. She looked around the living room as if she was confused, and when I guided her to the guest bedroom, she sat her bag on the bed gently.
“Are you sure you are okay with me being here?” she asked.
“Yeah, why?” I asked.
“It just… it doesn’t look like you have much company,” she said.
I knew she didn’t mean it as the insult it was, but it still stung. The guest room had a bed, arguably a better bed than my own, but not much else. One dresser sat across from it with a television on it, a cable box attached. I had only used the room a handful of times, once when Jordan wanted to stay while his place was fumigated and then a couple of times some friends came up and stayed. But they were guys like me and didn’t mind the lack of décor.
I walked away and into the kitchen. Pulling up the menu from the local pizza shop, I sent an order through their app to have it delivered. Mom came into the kitchen and sat down on one of the stools by the bar.
“I’m sorry if I upset you earlier,” she said. “I just want to see you being happy.”
“I am happy, Mom.”
“Don’t you ever get lonely?” she asked.
“No,” I lied. “I’m rather comfortable with where I am.”
“Oh, okay.” Mom said, dropping it.
I didn’t like lying to Mom, but really, I was lying to myself, too. I did enjoy my apartment and the solitude it gave me. I enjoyed being able to live my life by no one else’s rules. But to say I didn’t get lonely wasn’t the truth. I did find myself lonely, often in fact. And Jordan having Hannah with him all the time at the bar only seemed to amplify that, though I had no problem with them being together.
“Want something to drink?” I asked. “I ordered us pizza.”
“Pizza? You didn’t want me to cook?”
“No, Mom.” I shook my head and grinned. “I love you, but you are my guest. And I cooked all morning and did prep work for tonight, so I just was in the mood for pizza. If you really want, you can cook tomorrow.”
Mom grinned. “I would like that. I’ll take a water, please.” I reached into the fridge and grabbed a bottled water and handed it to her. She opened it up and took a sip. “So, are you going to continue to run the bar here in Portland, or are you thinking about ever coming back home?”
“Honestly?” I asked. “I like the new location. I like Portland. And I like the idea of both bars being run by the family, so even if Jordan took off, I would still be here to run it.”
“I think Jordan likes it here, too,” Mom said.
“He does. Since he and Hannah settled down here, it seems like he just kind of clicked. I don’t think he wants to go back to Astoria, at least not anytime soon.”
Mom nodded. “I just miss you boys being home.”
I reached over and put my hand over hers. “We miss you, too, Mom. Remember, it’s not that far away. If you want us to come home, even for a dinner, it’s only a couple hours. We can make that drive with no problem.”