“How are you?” Robert asks after taking in a deep sigh. Shoving down the anxiety over my finances, I turn back to him, getting a good glimpse at the guy I used to love. He was my best friend for so long. I dreamed for years of what our future together would be like.
White picket fence and blue shutters. A border collie puppy would be our “baby” for the first few years.
Never would I have guessed I’d be renting from him while taking care of a little girl on my own.
“I have the rent,” I finally say, although it doesn’t really answer his question. I pick up the stack of twenties and add, “I’m going to start working soon, so there’s no reason I can’t pay.” It hurts. I can’t deny that to see him and remember what could have been physically pains me. I love my baby girl, though, and that keeps me standing upright with all the pride I can manage.
Biting down on my lower lip, I hand over the money. I loved him with everything I had once. That changed, obviously. When I came back home and he tried to be right there beside me like he hadn’t shattered my heart, I told him to stay away from me. And when I found out I was pregnant, during all the madness and all the anger I had with what my father had done … I told him the baby wasn’t his. I shouldn’t have explicitly said it, even though I’m almost certain there’s no way Bridget could be his. We used protection every time. The one-night stand I had after Robert dumped me … I’m almost certain we didn’t.
I’m more than aware I don’t deserve any kindness from Robert at all. I’ve pushed him away time and time again, but still, he comes back.
“You don’t need to—”
“I really appreciate you letting me stay here, but—”
“If you’re going to cut me off, I’m going to cut you off,” he bites back with a tension I’m not used to and strides into the kitchen, eating up the distance between us. He’s too close to me, smelling like the memories I wish I could escape back into and staring at me with a gaze I know all too well. Too self-assured in being right here with me, when I haven’t asked a thing from him.
“Please,” I whisper and try to keep the tears from coming. I don’t even know why I’m crying at this point. I’m exhausted, an emotional wreck, and there’s plenty that’s dragged me down with celerity. Right now, all I want is for him to hold me and tell me it’s all going to be better, and that’s the last thing I need. Empty promises with no logical reasoning. “Just let me pay you.”
There’s very little money left over from my father’s estate, and that’s being held up in the lawsuit filed by my father’s girlfriend, who’s closer to my age than his. I don’t know what he ever saw in her. There’s enough in my bank account to last another two months and, in the meantime, I’m selling everything I can. Renee’s going to help me with my résumé and I’ll get a job. My degree will wait, even if the tuition bills won’t. I’ve got a plan and my life right now isn’t what I thought it would be, but I’ll make it work for me and my baby girl.
Holding out the cash with my arm fully extended, I keep him at a distance.
“I don’t want your money, Mags,” Robert answers simply, slipping his hands into his pockets, refusing to accept it.
“There’s no reason for you to let me stay here for free.” How can I look at him, a man who’s got it all, a man I feel like I betrayed, a man I lied to, and not feel inferior? It’s all I’ve felt for nearly a year, but I hate him for making me feel this way all over again, simply by standing in front of me, not taking the money I owe him.
“You lie,” he tells me, and my entire body goes hot.
“I’m not a liar.”
“You said there’s no way she’s mine,” he says and his voice is tight.
With my lips pressed in a thin line, they tremble.
“She looks like me,” he reasons.
“I have a type,” I answer him, turning to face the kitchen counter and giving him nothing but my back. I reach for my tea, desperate to steady myself even though my hands shake. I wish Renee were here. She’s helped me keep it together. She reminds me why Robert and I are a bad idea.
“We were together right around when—”
“You didn’t ask for a baby, and you know … you know she’s not yours.” My voice breaks at the last little bit. I know deep in my soul she isn’t his daughter. She was an accident and a handsome man named Brody is her father. He’s the other half of that accident and all I have is a first name, so he’s practically a stranger.