“I don’t know,” I say. “It’s a tall order these days. Look at you. You’re perfect. Gorgeous. Talented. Sweet. How could I possibly remember what it feels like to be annoyed with you—let alone infuriated?”
Savage lifts an eyebrow, his expression practically screaming, I’ve got a secret.
“What?” I ask.
“What what?”
“That look.”
“What look?”
“You just did it again. It’s full of mischief. Like you know something I don’t.”
Savage spits his mouthful of toothpaste into the sink and grins adorably. “You’re a drunken, paranoid lunatic. Now, come on, baby. It’s time for bed. You need to sleep off all that contraband wine, so you can wake up tomorrow and, against all odds, remember how to tap into your inner bitch with me.”
Seventeen
Savage
“Wake up, Fitzy,” I say. As I say the words, I tap Laila’s forehead repeatedly, like a woodpecker pecking holes into a dead pine tree. Today’s mission? Operation Annoy Laila, with the higher goal of helping her recall, vividly, the sensation of hating my guts, so she can take the lead on delivering the combativeness Nadine has demanded. Obviously, I don’t want to push Laila so hard as to make her genuinely hate me again. The very thought of regressing to those dark days with this gorgeous woman makes me physically recoil. But, for the greater good, I’m more than willing to aggravate the crap out of Laila today, in ways big and small, if it will help her get into character for today’s long shooting day.
Tap, tap, tap. “Wake up!” I bellow into Laila’s beautiful, sleeping face. “Up and at ‘em, baby!”
All things considered, this ought to annoy her pretty well, right out of the gate. Laila isn’t a morning person on a good day, the same as me, and I’m waking her up a full two hours before her alarm. Plus, Laila drank three goblets of wine last night, before we headed upstairs to screw, so I’m betting she’s feeling a particular need for some extra sleep this morning.
Without opening her eyes, Laila bats at my hand as it continues tapping her forehead. “Stop it,” she murmurs.
Tap, tap, tap. “There shall be no stopping!” I boom. “I’ve got a big surprise for you! Wake up!”
Laila squints at me. “My alarm hasn’t gone off, has it?”
Tap, tap, tap. “No. It. Has. Not! It’s only six!”
“Six? What the fuck!”
“Six is the time for my big surprise!” Tap, tap, tap.
Laila swats at my hand again. “What’s wrong with you?”
Tap, tap, tap. “Nothing’s wrong with me, baby! I’m all kinds of right. We’re going to work out this morning before heading into work.”
“Have fun with that. Bye now.”
I laugh with glee. “Get dressed and meet me in the gym in five, or I’ll physically drag you.” Tap, tap, tap.
Laila’s fully awake now. Scowling, she pulls the covers to her chin and rolls onto her side. “I’ll work out tonight after work. I drank too much last night.”
“Fish and Alessandra are coming over tonight, remember? It’s now or never.”
“Never, then.”
Without warning, I yank the covers off Laila’s near-naked body, subjecting her to the brisk early-morning air in the room, and she shrieks and curls into the fetal position. I pull out my phone and aim it at her. “Say good morning to everyone, babe. We’re live.”
Laila shrieks and covers her face with her hands. “Please, tell me you’re joking.”
I don’t blame her for second-guessing me. In all the time we’ve been posting daily “happy couple at home” videos, it’s always been Laila, not me, who’s initiated our videos. And only when Laila is good and ready and has checked her makeup in the mirror.
“Not joking. Look.” As she peeks out from behind her hands, I turn my phone around to show her the screen. “See? Now, say hi to the nice people.”
She waves halfheartedly and says hello. “Sorry, guys,” she says. “We’ll come back after I’ve had my coffee. Say goodbye, Savage.”
I turn the camera lens on myself. “Isn’t Laila adorable when she first wakes up? So cranky! Ha! So, here’s the deal, guys. I woke Laila up way earlier than her alarm, so we could squeeze in a workout before heading off to work today, since we’ve got plans with friends tonight. So, would you guys do me a big favor in the comments and help me convince Laila to work out with me? Only positive comments, please. Give her a pep talk. No trolling. And if it works, we’ll come back later and show you part of our workout.” I return the camera to Laila’s angry face. “Say goodbye to everyone, babe.”
She waves. “When you guys leave your comments, be sure to tell Savage he’s annoying as hell.”
Ha. Operation Annoy Laila is already off to a fantastic start.
I turn off my camera and spank Laila’s ass. “Now, get dressed and meet me in the gym to see your surprise.” With that, I exit the room, and head back to Charlie the Fitness Trainer, who’s waiting for me in the gym.