That girl … me … learned the hard way.
I have to be the one to tell Deion. But how?
And what can I do to get her back?
When the door to his house looms in front of me, my heart sinks into my shoes. I park the bike in the shed and walk up to the door. It opens before I can even ring the bell or knock.
Deion’s distressed face creates a pit in my stomach.
“I saw you coming through the kitchen window. Where’s Ashanti? I thought you were going to pick her up? It took you so long to get here,” he says in one string.
“I …” My head drops between my shoulders. I don’t even know where to begin. “She’s not here.”
“Where is she? Is she still walking?” He steps out of the house and looks around for her as if she’ll be here any moment now and is just lagging behind. But that couldn’t be further from the truth.
“They took her,” I say.
“What?” He frowns and makes a face. “What are you talking about?”
“Someone pulled her into a van.” No words have ever been more difficult to say than these.
The pain cutting into him shows on his face as he stares at me in disbelief. “No.” He shakes his head and barges ahead of me, storming through the streets, calling her name.
“Ashanti? Ashanti!” he yells. “Kom tevoorschijn! Nu!”
He’s telling her to come out now, but it’s no use.
“She’s not here,” I say as I stay behind in his tiny front yard.
“No, she is. You’re just playing me now,” he says. “This isn’t something to joke about, Charlotte.”
“I’m not. I saw it with my own eyes,” I say, trying to keep the tears at bay. “They took her.”
He keeps shaking his head as he searches for her. “Ashanti!”
“I tried following the van, but I wasn’t fast enough.” I can’t bear to look him directly in the eyes. “I’m sorry.”
He brings his hands to his head and pulls his hair as he looks around for any sign of her, but it’s futile, and he knows it. I would never leave her out on the street by herself. I promised I’d pick her up, and I always keep my promises … which is why it hurts so much that I couldn’t this time. But the worst thing about all of this is knowing that little girl is in some bad man’s clutches without anyone there to tell her it’s okay.
“Ashanti!” Deion yells. Neighbors and people biking past us look at him as if he’s lost his mind. I don’t know what to do. He keeps yelling and yelling until his voice is hoarse, until he’s looked under every car, behind every dumpster, and literally anything else he can find until there’s nothing left to look under or behind.
Until he sinks to the ground in the middle of the street, crying out her name.
I trudge toward him and place a hand on his shoulder, but he swats me away.
He gets up from the ground, and growls, “This is your fault. You did this.”
I take his words without a reply. He’s right. It is my fault, and I deserve every ounce of his rage.
“She’s gone because of you!” he yells, tears welling up in his eyes. “My little girl … taken … because they wanted you.”
The pain in his eyes is too much to bear, but I bear it anyway because I must. The consequences of my actions are mine and mine alone. I wish I could relinquish him of the pain, take the burden of emotions upon me and carry them on my shoulders. But that’s impossible, and we both know it. I would rip out my own heart and hand it to him on a platter if I could, if it meant she’d come back. But I can’t, and he knows that too.
After a few seconds of silence, he barges past me and marches into his house, leaving the door wide open. I wait a few minutes before following him inside. I clutch the doorjamb and tilt my head when I spot him. He’s sitting bent over on a chair in the kitchen, clutching his face in his hands. Tiny droplets tumble from his cheeks onto the floor.
I amble toward him and go down to my knees in front of him. I carefully wrap my arms around him and pull him into my embrace. He sobs into my shoulders but doesn’t push me away. Instead, he lets me console him. He lets me take over the load he cannot carry.
I’m here, and I’m not going to let him go, no matter what. I’ll take this pain and more, anything and everything he throws my way. I can handle it because he needs me to. Because it’s all I can do right now as he comes to terms with the fact that his little girl is gone.