“God, yes. My inbox is full of unsolicited dick pics. I don’t even check my email anymore.”
“Why is that even a thing?” Heidi asks. “How is an anonymous knob a great conversation starter?”
All of us giggle.
“Anonymous knob sounds like a great band name,” Trinity says.
“Most of them…aren’t even that great,” Anya says, returning to the knob discussion. “I don’t even know why they’re so eager to show them off.”
“Humiliation kink?” Lilly suggests.
Anya giggles. “Maybe.”
“There ya go. Start charging them for sending dick pics,” I tease. “Rooster! You can set that up, right?”
His confused eyes meet mine. “What, chickadee?”
Anya laughs even harder. “Never mind.”
“I hear you,” I say to Anya. “Unfortunately, I receive more than my fair share of thumb-pinkies in my email.”
“Thumb-pinky?” Heidi wiggles her thumb in front of her face. “What the hell, Shelby?”
“I dunno.” I shrug. “Some look like a thumb.”
“Even the big ones are kind of a yawn, you know?” Anya says. “They’re so proud about something that’s just genetics. Like, they literally have no control over it, so it’s not some great accomplishment.”
“Oh my God,” Lala says. “I never thought of it that way, but it’s so true.”
“Right?” Anya’s eyes widen. “Size isn’t the only factor. The biggest dick in the world doesn’t matter if he doesn’t know what to do with it.”
“Yup,” I agree. “He still needs to investigate and find out where all your tingly spots are.”
Charlotte giggles. “Tingly spots?”
“Heck, yeah. Not every girl’s built the same.”
“I feel like I should be writing this down,” Ravage says.
“You probably need to,” Wrath agrees.
“Good point, Shelby.” Lilly stabs her finger in the air in front of her a few times. “Ramming it in a bunch of times doesn’t feel great when they’re hung like a donkey.”
“Absolutely,” Anya agrees, rising from the table. She raises her arms over her head and rolls her hips in a slow circle. “A man who knows how to swivel his hips the right way can accomplish so much more than just a big tool.”
“You would know,” Bonnie mutters.
Anya cuts a chilly glare Bonnie’s way, but drops into her seat without another word.
Charlotte side-eyes Bonnie. “Something similar could be said for the ladies, I suppose. Taking a ton of dick doesn’t necessarily mean you’re a satisfying lay.”
“Oh, fuck!” Ravage slaps the table. “Charlotte, you’re savage.”
“Fuuuuck,” Stash says. “That’s so true.”
Bonnie pushes away from the table and stomps out of the dining room.
Charlotte shrugs. “We were trying to have an enlightening conversation,” she slides her gaze toward Ravage and Stash, “that could benefit her in the long run and she had to ruin it by being catty.”
Rav scratches the side of his head and turns toward Stash. “Did she just insult us?”
“No,” Stash says. “Not really.”
Anya rolls her shoulders and lifts her chin. “Whatever, I’m used to it.”
We’re quiet for a few seconds, all shooting each other looks, desperately trying to come up with a new topic.
“How were the toys we ordered, Anya?” Heidi asks.
Not the greatest shift in conversation, but at least it smooths over the awkwardness.
“Great! Let me know when you have your Winter catalog, I’ll definitely order more.”
“Oh, shit. Did you expand your sex toy empire to Virginia, Heidi?” Stash asks.
“Why do you care?” Charlotte asks. “I thought you said, ‘real men don’t need sex toys’?”
“I may have revised my opinion on this issue.” He folds his arms over his chest and sits back.
Heidi and Charlotte flash wide-eyed smug smiles at each other.
Sparky raises his hand high and waves it around. “We need more of those buzzy cock rings for the new clubhouse, Heidi!”
Heidi briefly closes her eyes and smiles. “I’m going to get the biggest bonus this year.”
“This is turning into more than a side hustle, Heidi,” I point out.
“I’m so proud of my baby sister,” her brother deadpans.
“You have no one to blame but yourself, big brother.” Heidi points down the table at him.
An amused smile curves his lips. “Yeah? How’s that?”
“You always stressed the importance of being financially independent when I was growing up.”
“Zing!” Murphy punches Teller’s shoulder.
“Touché, Heidi.” Teller tucks his chin to his chest, hiding his laughter. “You got me there.”
“I’ll be damned.” Rock whistles loud enough to draw everyone’s attention. “Did Knucklehead admit he’s wrong?”
The guys focus their badgering on Teller, leaving us free to return to our conversation.
Long after dessert’s been served and lots of coffee has been consumed, Rooster rests his hand on my shoulder.
I peer up at him.
“Long ride tomorrow. You want to head upstairs?”
I’ve been having so much fun with the girls, I didn’t realize how late it was. “Sure.” I glance at the table. “Let me help them clean up, though.”
“Not tonight.” Trinity waves me off. “You’re not allowed in the kitchen the night you’ve been patched. It’s a rule.”
From the way the girls laugh, I suspect Trinity’s spinning a yarn.