I started to walk away.
“But we can,” said Christian, “at least, save the baby.”
Just as I reached the door, I stopped and turned around.
“We should put it to a vote,” said Landon.
“A vote!” I started back again toward the group. “What the hell are you guys talking about?”
“We’re talking about terminating her pregnancy or not!” said Christian. And he stepped in front of me, stuck out his chest and flexed.
I was ready to beat the fuck out of that meathead. I didn’t know why I was mad at him. It didn’t really matter. I was sure punching him in the face would make me feel better.
I got right up in his face. “A vote. And what about Bonita? Does she get a vote about what we do with her body?”
Trevor stepped in between us. He tried to pull us apart. Eventually, Ken and Will came to his aid, and the three of them managed to separate us.
“Noah,” said Trevor, “you’re not helping.”
I looked around. I looked them each in the eye, yet I saw no ally.
“So that’s it then?” I said, a bit more calmly. “We’re going to take a vote and decide if she stays in a coma or not. We decide if her baby lives or dies.”
Landon stepped up to me. But he didn’t stick out his chest or flex. He simply asked in a calm voice, “What else are we supposed to do?”
I had no answer. Now, I wanted to punch myself in the face. Or, better yet, punch Christian and myself and the rest of them.
After a long moment of silence, I said, “We could call her parents. Have them decide.”
Ben frowned. “Do you really think that’s what Bonita would want us to do?”
“Having her parents make a decision for her,” said Ken, “is the last thing she’d want us to do.”
I knew he was right.
Everyone looked at me.
I had no solution. I had no further objection.
“Do we need time to think about it?” asked Trevor. “Or should we vote now?”
“We vote now,” said Ben.
“But it won’t be a final vote,” said Christian. “We’ll vote now to get a sense of where we’re all at, then we’ll come back in twelve hours to take a final vote.”
“How’s that sound to everyone?” asked Trevor.
A few shrugs and nods were the only response he got.
“Should we make it an open or a secret vote?” Trevor asked.
“No way are we taking a secret vote,” I said, my voice regaining some of its earlier anger. “Since when do we keep secrets from each other?”
“He’s right,” said Ken.
“Of course I’m fucking right!”
“We vote in the open,” said Christian.
Trevor stepped in the center of us. He extended his hands, asking for a bit of space. Landon and I stepped back into the semicircle that had formed around him.
“A show of hands,” said Trevor in the softest voice I’d ever heard him use, “if you vote that we tell the doctor to try to revive her now, knowing that in doing so, we terminate her pregnancy.”
I shot my hand up as high as it could go but then immediately pulled it down. I was alone, but I saw others hesitating. Everyone was looking at everyone else to see what the other would do.
Slowly Ken raised his hand, and I followed. Our hands were in the air a full five seconds at least until Trevor also raised his.
“Okay,” said Trevor. “A show of hands if you vote that we wait to have the doctor try to revive Bonita; we wait until reviving her wouldn’t risk killing the unborn baby.”
Christian, Landon, Will, and Ben raised their hands at the same time.
“We’ll meet back here in exactly twelve hours,” said Trevor. “Let’s try not to kill each other in the meantime.”
I waited outside the door. I needed to see Bonita again. I knew seeing her lying there, helpless, would kill me. But I didn’t want to live, anyway. Not without her.
Sasha and Dr. Crumb were with her. Their discussion turned into a heated discussion which turned into an out and out screamfest.
Dan and I exchanged worried glances.
“Maybe I should go in,” I said.
He shook his head.
I thought about going in anyway.
As I was contemplating this act of defiance, Sasha came out of the room. She was startled to see me. “Noah! How much did you hear?”
“All of it,” I lied.
She frowned and motioned for me to follow her. “Come on in.”
Bonita lay on a bed. Dr. Crumb was standing beside her. I barely registered he was there.
I walked up to her. She looked so peaceful: eyes closed, arms lying straight at her sides. I reached out to touch her but didn’t dare. Hadn’t I done enough damage already?
I felt a hand on my shoulder and turned with a jerk. Sasha stood beside me, looking down at Bonita, tears welling in her eyes.