Pat scooped up the scattered nuts. “Sorry. I just have some stuff on my mind.”
A silent minute passed where they both focused hard on tying little bows. How the hell did women make this stuff look so easy? When Maggie and Perrin showed them how to twist the ribbon and tie off the favors, he assumed him and Ryan could have the box of fancy baggies and nuts done in no time. They’d been tying bows for over an hour and their pile was pathetic.
“Is it Mum? I heard she booked an appointment with the realtor this morning. You know, you don’t have to rush into anything.”
He cut another piece of ribbon. “It’s not that. Well, it is, but I always knew I’d be looking for a place. I want to be self-sufficient as soon as possible.”
“See anything good this morning?”
Seriously, it was a good thing he hadn’t opted to become a surgeon. His fingers were not meant for dexterous work. “The old bookstore. I wanted you to check it out. It would need some work.”
“I haven’t been in there since I was a kid. Couldn’t even tell you what it looks like.”
“The realtor texted me the lockbox code, so maybe—if you have a spare second—we could check it out.”
Ryan knotted off another bow. His favors were looking less dejected than Pat’s. “I’ll make time. This is important, Pat.”
He paused. “I know, but the wedding is going to be here in—”
“Nope. You don’t get to push off your important stuff for mine. I want to give you a hand with this. It’s a big deal. I psyched you’re moving back home and we can hang out whenever we want again. Whatever you need, I’m here for you.”
He appreciated that, because if he bought the old bookshop, he was going to need a hand renovating. “Do people actually eat these things?”
Ryan shrugged. “I have no clue. But apparently, they’re expected. I had like six women ask me if we ordered the Jordan Almonds. I never even heard of them.”
Pat frowned. “Who the hell is Jordan, anyway, and why are his almonds so famous?”
They worked their way through several more bags.
“So, are we going to discuss your news?”
“What new—oh. That.”
His brother frowned at him. “Quite a…uh…one-eighty from our old talks.”
He didn’t need him to clarify. Growing up together, Ryan had suffered through way too many diatribes of why Julie was the perfect girl for him. And as much as she and Jo were twins, they were as opposite as night and day.
“Well, you know how these things go.”
His brother paused from tying bows. “What does that mean?”
Pat didn’t have a clue. “Did you know she was marrying him?”
“Who?”
“Julie, she’s marrying Lance.”
Ryan’s brows lifted. “Jeeze. Good luck to her.” He studied him but Pat kept his focus on stuffing nuts into bags. “How are you taking that?”
The Jo thing was actually a decent shield, so he didn’t have to admit how much the news was crushing him. He shrugged. “It is what it is. I’ve moved on.”
“Have you?”
Suddenly irritated and—why were these damn nuts so slippery? He flung the delicate satchel onto the table. “Say what you want to say, Ry.”
His brother sat back and folded his arms over his chest, pinning him with a knowing glare. It was that damn big brother look he did so well, the one that always made Pat feel inexperienced and uncertain beside his confidence.
“Fine. Marriage is serious. And, unless you’re so into a girl that you can’t bear the thought of being away from her for more than a day, I’d say it’s not the right woman. And at this stage, couples typically can’t keep their hands off each other. You and Jo… Well, I didn’t really see a spark yesterday.”
“Maybe we’re just more discrete.”
“Pat…”
He met his brother’s stare. “What?”
What did he want him to say? Why did the truth matter? The woman he wanted was taken. She was getting married, and he’d never have a chance to show her how great they could be. He figured she’d eventually come around and they’d have their time, but life went from childhood to adulthood overnight. Now, they were all stuck in this quicksand of adulting.
“They’re not married yet.” Ryan didn’t need to clarify that he was referring to Julie and Lance.
“Well, she’s not the sort of girl to make polar shifts.”
“How do you know?”
“Because I know her.”
“You haven’t hung out with her in years. People change.”
Not Julie. She was reliable and as even-keeled as a woman could be. “We have to get these done. Maggie’s gonna be home soon.”
“Forget the nuts for a second and level with me.”
At the sharp command in his voice, Pat grit his teeth then snapped, “What do you want me to say, Ryan? That she was my first choice? Fine. Julie was first. She’ll always be before anyone else, because I loved her since kindergarten. But I fucked up and was too paralyzed by the doubts in my head to do anything about it. I didn’t have the balls to ask her out, because I was too afraid of damaging our friendship and losing her. But I lost her anyway. Is that what you want to hear? Does that fix something for you? Because from where I stand, I’m fucked no matter who I end up with. And hearing how pathetic I am doesn’t fix shit.”