Sunshine dawned in my dark loft as I pulled out the hot pink raw silk A-line dress. A few years ago in Houston, I’d fallen in love with this dress, with its big red and yellow appliqué roses on the short hem, its bold color, and the way it made my legs look about a million miles long. The only problem was that it had been a little too big and I’d meant to have it altered, but kept forgetting.
Thank God.
I tore open the bag and pulled the dress over my head, shimmying it down around my belly and hips. I stepped sideways into the full-length mirror and squealed with delight. A little tight around the belly, but I was pregnant, what could one expect?
But the rest of it, oh the rest of it…perfect. The big collar clasped around my neck, a floppy silk rose beneath my chin. My arms were bare, so I slid on a few silver bangles. And then a few more.
Shoes. Shoes would be an issue. My swollen feet begged for the low sandals with the fabulous gemstones, but I remembered how tall Carter was, how he seemed to tower over me, and I reached way into the back for my black, secondhand Chanel stilettos.
Yes, I thought, admiring herself in the mirror. Oh. Yes. I pliéd, dipped. Tried to arabesque, but the seams wouldn’t allow it. I felt beautiful in this dress.
Lush and womanly and sophisticated.
Like a woman who owned my life.
I could do this. I could go on this date and hold hands and smile at a man who didn’t like me at all. In this dress, I could do anything.
The walls of my apartment shuddered as someone pounded on my door. It could only be one person and I clapped.
“Eat your heart out, Carter O’Neill,” I whispered and mini jetéd, as best I could, to the door.
CARTER
“I’ll try to be there, Savannah,” I said into my cell phone as I brushed the rain off my jacket.
“You’re lying, Carter,” my sister said. “I can tell. I can always tell. Honestly, why do you bother trying?”
I smiled, staring up at the ceiling. I liked it when my little sister called me on my bullshit; it made me feel closer to her, as though it was ten years ago and she still needed me to protect her.
I remembered her a year after our mom had left us on Margot’s doorstep. Savannah had come into my room in the middle of the night, her voice a whisper, her hand against my arm a hot little puddle.
“She’s not coming back, is she?” she asked, moonlight turning her eyes black. “Mom’s left us here.”
“I don’t know,” I whispered, though I knew. Of course I knew. But I didn’t want to hurt her.
“You’re lying,” she said. “You’re always lying to me.”
Suddenly, in this hallway, I felt a million miles from my sister. From my family. From the man I was. And it was my own fault. Every time I tried to protect them I ended up putting more than miles between us.
“Savvy,” I sighed, “I promise I will try to get there for Christmas.”
Even as the words came out of my mouth I knew it was impossible. With Vanessa back in the picture, there was no way I could go home, not with her trailing behind like a spiked tail.
“Hey,” I said, unable to believe I was going to ask this question when I’d sworn to myself that I was going to stay out of the gem drama. “You guys haven’t found the ruby, have you?”
“Tyler hunted all over the place last month when Dad was here. He says it’s nowhere to be found.”
“What does Margot say?” I asked.
“She says there’s no way it’s in The Manor. She’d know.”
“Well, she sure as hell didn’t know about the diamond, did she?”
“I guess not,” Savannah said. “She was as surprised as the rest of us when Tyler said he found it and Dad stole it from him.”
“Is Margot there?” I asked.
“She’s in West Palm Beach with her boyfriend.”
“Boyfriend? Is that the word she uses?” The Margot I remembered would not be so gauche.
“Companion?”
“Gentleman caller?”
“Beau?”
“Admirer.”
“That sounds about right,” Savannah laughed.
“Let’s pray she never changes.” I said, happy to have made my sister laugh. “Hey, has anything strange happened at The Manor lately?”
“Not more than usual.”
There, I thought, I’d satisfied the worry my mother had planted in my brain. I could go on with my life.
“How is Katie?” I asked. It was easier in a way to stay apart from The Manor, Bonne Terre and my family, when I didn’t see them for months at a time. I couldn’t picture them at the breakfast table, going to school, getting ready for bed, couldn’t think of my niece, Katie, growing up and me not seeing it.
I didn’t have to think about all the things I was missing.