I plucked at the knee of my yoga pants.
“So?” I asked, terribly aware of my mother’s eyes, her judgment. Even more aware that my mother, standing there with all the experience of a single parent, was probably right.
I had no business worrying about Carter O’Neill’s promises. Or teasing him. I was going to have a baby in a few months; I needed to focus on that.
“Are we done?” I asked. “No more dates?”
“Not yet,” he said. “I have to do a little more damage control after Deadbeat Daddy Denied.”
I ignored the little zing of excitement, smothered it with all kinds of worry and anxiety. More fake dates. More photos. More hand-holding.
“What…ah…what’s next?” I had no idea where mayor pro temps went on a second fake date.
“The National Ballet is in town.”
Oh, he was hitting me where it hurt. I would give my teeth to go see the ballet.
“How about Wednesday evening,” he said. “We’ll get some dinner—”
“No dinner,” I said. I had made Carter a promise, but my mother was right; dating right now, fake or not, was a distraction I didn’t need. If this was business, I would keep it business.
“I’ll meet you there,” I said. My mother made a disgusted noise and vanished from the doorway, leaving me alone in the sunny silence of my room.
I cleared my throat, lowered my voice. “And no…no more kissing.”
Carter was silent a long time and my heart pounded in my ears. “I wanted to kiss you, Zoe,” he said, his voice gruff. “I didn’t fake it and I certainly never expected it.”
“I know,” I said. Being noble sucked. “I didn’t, either, but…this relationship isn’t real and never could be, or would be if I hadn’t created such a bizarre situation.”
“I agree.”
“Great,” I said, bright as day. “Then let’s keep it businesslike.”
Carter’s laugh made me smile and my heart twist. “Something tells me, Zoe, that you wouldn’t know businesslike if it came up and bit you on the nose.”
“You’re right,” I agreed. “But you do, so I’ll follow your lead.”
“What if businesslike isn’t all I want?” he asked and I nearly melted in response.
“Then you are fake-dating the wrong woman,” I said. “Because that’s all I’ve got right now.”
Please, I added silently, don’t push. Don’t make this harder than it is.
“Okay. I’ll see you Wednesday. I’ll call you with details.”
I disconnected and stared at my phone, wondering what I’d gotten myself into. One thing was for sure, I had to tell my mother the truth about this fake-dating situation—there was no other way to avoid the lecture of a lifetime.
I pulled together my courage and went out into the kitchen where my mother was using a wicked sharp blade to pulverize a bunch of apples.
“What are you doing?” I asked carefully.
“Making applesauce,” she answered, then slammed down the blade, and I jumped. “The question is, what are you doing?”
“It’s nothing, Mom.” When Penny opened her mouth to respond I held up my hand and told her everything. About the newspaper. The arrangement. Carter’s career. All of it.
“See, Mom,” I said, looking forward to getting my mother off my back. “It’s one hundred percent nothing.”
“Look at you,” Mom said. “You’re lying to yourself.”
“What are you talking about?” I sighed. Apparently I hadn’t avoided the lecture. Lucky me.
“It’s not nothing I see on your face,” Mom snapped, her face red and blotchy with ire. “It’s not nothing I hear in your voice.”
“What is it, then? Since you’re the expert on me?”
“You like him.”
“I don’t.”
“You kissed! It was all over the paper.”
Instantly I remembered the lush weight of his lips, the way my whole body had contracted with a desire so delicious, so consuming it had seemed painful.
An ache beneath my skin.
It had been unlike any other kiss in my life. Like my first taste of good wine, sweet and rich.
“Don’t lie to yourself, Zoe. That’s so dangerous. If you like him, admit it, but pretending you don’t is just asking for heartache.”
“Okay, fine, let’s say I like him. What’s wrong with that?”
“Zoe, can’t you see what you’re doing? This is your pattern. One mistake after another, thinking the second one will fix the first. You rush into situations without thinking.”
I felt a cold chill at the top of my spine and sat down on the stool by the counter.
Penny was right.
I did know a thing or two about mistakes.
“I’ve picked you up after every heartbreak, every disappointment, every situation you thought was going to be so amazing, only to have it fall apart around you.”
“I know,” I said, numbed by the truth.
“You need to use your head now, not your heart. Your life is about to be harder, in ways you don’t even understand, and that man will be gone.”
“Not every man is like Dad.”
“And you can tell me for sure that Carter O’Neill isn’t? That he’d stick around for the birth of a baby that isn’t his?”