Hearing the words, hearing Tessa say his name, did something to him. He wanted to trust her, wanted to give everything he could to her but something was always holding him back. He continually blamed it on their professional relationship but he’d never been one to freely give himself to another. Always held himself in check, never broke control, needing to stay above his emotions, his feelings, his worries.
For once, Alex wanted to give it up, give in. But it was so damned hard.
“Are they safe? I usually don’t share such intimacies with another.” Taking her hand, he brought it up to his mouth, pressing his lips against her knuckles.
Her fingers trembled in his grip. “You can share them with me. I’m loyal to you. You know I am.”
“You are,” he agreed. “As an employee and as my assistant, you’re extremely loyal. But are you loyal to me as a man? Forget who I am to you. Forget my name. Forget all of it. Are you still loyal then?”
She nodded and reached out with her free hand, touching his face. She gave him no verbal answer but her soothing touch was enough.
“What I want more than anything is…” He took a deep breath.
“Is you.”
Chapter Six
Tessa stared at him, shocked by his confession. Did he really mean it? Did he really want her that much? She found it hard to believe but there he sat, his hand still clutching hers, his eyes so dark and filled with what looked like worry.
Did he regret saying such a thing? It was a rather monumental confession, one she would’ve been hard pressed to reveal if he’d asked yet here he was, saying such magical words that her heart felt ready to take flight and leap straight out of her chest.
Alex squeezed her hand so tight it almost hurt. “Aren’t you going to say something?”
“I—I want you too.” She pressed her lips together, fear coursing through her veins as cold as ice. “But we can’t…”
“We can’t what? Spend time together? Be together?”
“You said so yourself.” He had. He said it only a few moments ago. It was a difficult situation considering he was her superior. And the fact that Alex wanted her was so surreal she wondered if she might be dreaming. “I can’t be like Bianca. Getting involved with you and then, when we return home and we’re back in the office, we resume our positions as boss and assistant.”
He contemplated her, his mouth tightening into a firm line and slowly, sadly, he released his hold on her hand. Withdrawing from her completely, both physically and emotionally, until she felt so very cold and alone.
“You’re right,” he said, his voice low, his eyes dim. “We can’t do this. I can’t do it. I’m sorry, Tessa.”
“Better you find out now, right? That we didn’t take it any further?” A sob rose in her chest and she swallowed hard, trying her best to hold it in. She turned away from him when the tears filled her eyes and she pushed back her chair, tossing the napkin onto the table beside her plate. “I’ll be right back.”
“But what about your dinner?”
“I’ve lost my appetite.” She hurried away, gathering her skirts in her hands so she could walk faster. She knew her abrupt departure drew stares but she couldn’t stop. Didn’t want Alex or anyone else witness her complete breakdown.
She entered the bathroom just in time, the sob leaving her as tears flowed down her cheeks. Locking herself into a stall, she leaned against the cold wall and pressed her hands into her face.
Who was she fooling, thinking she could go on with this wretched tour, believing she could return to New York and sit in front of Alex’s office at her desk day in and day out. Pretending she felt nothing for him, pretending he hadn’t just confessed he wanted her. She couldn’t forget any of this, especially his sweet kisses.
They would’ve turned to passionate kisses if they’d continued what they started. She’d never know what it really felt like to be in Alex’s arms, to feel his desire and want for her, to know what it would be like to spend the night with him in his bed, wrapped all around him.
A fresh wave of tears started, and she mourned what she’d lost. Grabbing a wad of toilet paper, she wiped her tears away, then blew her nose. She probably looked a wreck. All of the glamour and wonder of the evening, of her beautiful dress, it had all been lost.
She should leave. Take the car to the hotel and send it back so it could pick up Alex. Pack her belongings while he was still out and somehow arrange a flight back to New York. Where she could give her notice and find another job, preferably before Alex returned.
It would be foolish to remain with him on this torturous tour. And she knew she wouldn’t be able to deal if she stayed on as his assistant. It would be much too difficult.
Filled with resolve, she emerged from the toilet stall, ignoring the strange look the woman standing at the sink gave her. Tessa splashed water on her face, afraid to look in the mirror because she knew it was bad. Leaving the bathroom, she spotted the wall of double doors in the distance. Hopefully the car would still be out there or at the very least, she could call a car service. Perhaps the concierge at the hotel could help her.
Tessa wound her way through the tables and kept her head down, not wanting to make eye contact with anyone. Perhaps she was making more of a spectacle of herself by doing so but she didn’t care. She had to get out of here and quick—couldn’t stand the thought of facing Alex again, of hearing his voice, of seeing the rejection written all over his face.
Just as she walked outside she heard his unmistakable voice calling her name, but she ignored him. She ran down the steps, her feet aching from the too-high heels when she felt his fingers clasp around her upper arm like bands of steel.
“Where do you think you’re going?”
She whirled around, glaring up at him. “Let me go.”
“Were you just going to leave?” He sounded flabbergasted. She doubted anyone defied the man. And certainly no woman would out and out leave him.
“I can’t stay here with you and pretend. Not after what you said.” She tried to jerk out of his grip but he wouldn’t let her, his fingers tightening even further.
“What I said? What did you expect me to say?” His brows lowered and his expression went from incredulity to fierce in less than five seconds. “I was trying to be a gentleman and do the right thing. I won’t be responsible for hurting you.”
“Too late,” she flung at him, the venom in her words surprising him so she was able to escape his grip. “You’ve already hurt me more than I care to admit.”
Turning on her heel, she fled, running down the rest of the stairs as quick as she could. She heard Alex behind her, gaining on her with his every step and she glanced over her shoulder, saw the determined look on his face.
He would catch her. She knew it. It was pointless to run. But she couldn’t stop. She had to get away from him. “Leave me alone,” she tossed over her shoulder.
“Tessa, for Christ’s sake, stop running.” He was beyond frustrated, she could hear it in his voice but she didn’t care.
She paused at the next intersection, glancing first to her left, then her right. The road was clear and she darted across the street, Alex’s enraged voice trailing after her. She made it across, saw he was stuck on the other side, glaring at her as the cars sped by between them.
Empty triumph filled her and she continued walking in the direction of the hotel. She had no money, hadn’t thought to bring a purse, leaving herself solely dependent on Alex for the evening. She was such a silly little fool, counting on him for everything. Where had her independent spirit disappeared to? Why did she turn into such a helpless female every time she was with him?
It was insane. He made her insane.
Her shoes pinched, the streets were still crowded with tourists and they kept staring at her. Not every day a woman limped down the sidewalk in a formal white gown.
God. The man made her do the most ridiculous things.
She walked on and on, pushing past people who seemed to be taking a leisurely stroll, the hotel nowhere in sight and she wished more than anything that she had her wallet. She could’ve got a cab, wouldn’t have to be walking for what felt like twenty miles, her toes pinched, her feet throbbing. Desperate, she yanked the shoes off, sighing in blissful relief despite having to walk on the dirty sidewalk. It didn’t matter. At least the torture devices were off her feet.
Limping along the sidewalk like a bedraggled urchin, she started to laugh, feeling slightly hysterical. She’d turned into Cinderella. Escaping the ball and her fairytale prince, disappointed and disgusted over the tragic parody her life had turned into. She’d never felt dumber in all her life.
“Tessa.” A sleek black car pulled alongside the curb, the back window rolled down to reveal Alex sitting there, glaring at her. “Get in the car.”
Oh, she was tempted. “No.” The car kept pace with her as she continued to walk. Or limp.
“Tessa.” He sounded as if he was talking to a small child. “Stop acting ridiculous and get in the damn car.”
She stopped and wagged her finger at him. “Don’t you dare curse at me, Alexander Worth. You just can’t boss me around and expect me to do whatever you say.”