He needed to collect his thoughts, set his head on straight. It was all too much for him to take in. He wondered if he was somehow in a state of shock.
The bellboy brought Tessa’s simple black overnight bag in and Alex tipped him generously, not even paying attention to how much he gave him. The boy’s eyes went wide and he nodded enthusiastically, offering a loud, “Have a most pleasant evening, sir,” before he hustled out of the suite.
Alex took the bag and set it in the bedroom he wasn’t using. He’d stayed at Claridge’s only because Hunter always did in the past and they were more than accommodating, the rooms comfortable. He certainly hadn’t wanted to stay at the hotel where he’d last been with Tessa.
Too many memories.
And now they made more memories here. Even crazier ones. Touching his daughter for the first time had been—magical. It had only been for a few minutes but having his hand on her had sent a jolt through him unlike anything he’d ever experienced before.
Charlotte was his child. Made from his flesh and blood, conceived…
He frowned. When had she been conceived anyway?
With determined steps he headed back to the living area, wanting to ask Tessa if she knew when it had actually happened. He’d tried to be careful, had used a condom every single time they’d been together or so he thought…
Alex stopped short at the vision before him. Tessa sat in a large overstuffed chair, her cardigan gone, the shell she wore lifted up, their child at her full breast. Charlotte squirmed her dark head, falling off her mother’s nipple and Tessa reached for her, circling the baby’s lips with the tip of her index finger before she reattached Charlotte onto her nipple.
“There, there,” she murmured, stroking the baby’s back as she stared down at her.
His skin tightened. She’d changed so much. Her body was fuller, definitely her breasts were and her nipple—what he saw of it—was larger, a darker shade of rose. She looked so content, a natural at the nurturing role and he’d never seen a more beautiful thing as his child nursing from her mother.
Pride and some other foreign emotion squeezed his chest tight. He tried to inhale but it was tough. He could hardly catch his breath. Felt like it had been stolen right out of his lungs.
As if she could sense him standing there watching her, she glanced up, her dark brown eyes meeting his. Her cheeks flushed, she moistened her lips with the tip of her tongue. Lust spiraled through him, straight to his groin and his cock twitched in recognition. He hadn’t felt this strongly about any woman. Ever.
Despite the betrayal between them, the secrets and the lies, he had to make it right. He had to make Tessa his.
Forever.
Chapter Eighteen
He’d ordered room service. It was far too late to dine out for all the best restaurants would be full on a Saturday evening. Besides, the baby was sleeping peacefully in the bassinet he’d had brought up earlier.
Tessa was in the shower, avoiding the inevitable. He let her go after she begged off a serious conversation. Said she needed to relax and wanted to feel refreshed before they embarked on this next step.
Not that he could blame her.
Alex went into Tessa’s room and stood over the bassinet, studying the sleeping bundle within. She wore a pale green sleeper sprigged with little white daisies, her fist close to her mouth, cheeks plump and pink. The hair on the back of her head stood straight up and he smiled, reaching out to brush his fingers down the length of her bent legs.
Charlotte stirred and he yanked his hand back, not wanting to disturb her. He didn’t have a clue what he was supposed to do if she started to cry. He hadn’t even held her yet.
If he was a complete ass, this was the perfect opportunity for him to snatch the baby and leave. She’d almost deserve it, if he let himself get angry enough. He could see her side of everything though. How scared she must’ve been, pregnant in a foreign city, a foreign country. Thank God she’d had her sister with her. He’d have to thank the hostile Gina tomorrow. If she’d let him.
Tessa accused him of only seeing things black or white. She hadn’t been with him in a year, had no idea the changes he’d gone through. The old Alex would’ve tossed her explanations aside and demanded she hand the baby over. No pleading, no begging allowed. He would’ve taken Charlotte, hopped on the Worth jet and headed straight back to New York. Never allowing Tessa to see the baby again.
But he wanted Tessa. So badly it hurt to look at her, to want her. Now that there was a child in the mix, he could never let her go. Not again, not ever.
She emerged from the steamy bathroom fifteen minutes later, stopping short when she found him standing next to the bassinet, still watching his sleeping daughter. Her hair was wet, hanging past her shoulders, a towel still in her hand and she wore a thick, pale cream robe provided by the hotel.
She was gorgeous.
“What are you doing in here?” she asked warily.
“Looking at Charlotte.” He tore his gaze from his daughter though it was proving more and more difficult each time. “I ordered room service.”
“Thank you, but I’m not really hungry.” She toweled off the ends of her hair, such a mundane, everyday activity but he couldn’t take his eyes off of her. Her feet were bare, her calves sleek and he wondered if she was naked beneath the robe.
He wished he had the right, the privilege to find out.
“You should eat, Tessa. You need to keep up your strength. For the baby.”
Her gaze snagged with his and she dropped her arms to her sides, the towel falling neglected to the floor. “You’re staring,” she whispered.
“You’re beautiful.”
She rolled her eyes and turned away from him, bending over her black bag which rested on the bed and pawing through it. Giving him a perfect view of her pert bottom.
He closed his eyes. It simply wouldn’t do, having a raging erection while trying to have a much needed serious conversation with her.
“I’m fat,” she finally said, her back still to him. “My body changed tremendously after I had Charlotte.”
“You’re not fat.” Far from it. He’d always appreciated her curves but now they were even more appealing. Her hips flared wide, her breasts were full and he bet her belly had a more pronounced curve to it. How he wished he could map her skin with his lips and tongue, stroke her to ecstasy with his fingers…
“I am.” The two words broke through his wicked thoughts. “I haven’t lost all the weight I gained and it seems to have shifted around. I shouldn’t eat tonight.”
“You should and you will.” He approached her, his steps careful and he held his breath. He didn’t want to startle her but Christ, the urge to touch her, however innocent, was damn near all consuming.
Tentatively he reached out and settled his hands on her shoulders. They tensed up beneath his palms, even tighter than they’d been before he touched her and she turned her head to the side. “What are you doing, Alex?”
He closed his eyes and breathed deep her clean, sweet fragrance. “I hate that you hate me.”
“I—don’t hate you.” She dropped her head and tucked in her chin. “I’m just confused. You’re so…”
“Different?” He squeezed her shoulders, lightly, capturing nothing but thick terrycloth when he wished he was touching her bare skin. “So are you.”
She remained quiet, the only sound their breathing, the tick of a clock somewhere in the room. Slowly he slid his fingers to her neck and began to rub, kneading the tense muscles until he felt them start to loosen beneath his touch. “Relax.” He took one step closer to her so he could whisper in her ear. “I’m not going to hurt you.”
“Physically you might not.” But mentally, emotionally he might, her unspoken words whispered through his mind.
God, he hated that she was scared of him. Afraid he might damage her. That was the very last thing he wanted to do.
“I need your forgiveness.” He slipped his hands down, beneath the loose neck of her robe so they wrapped around her slender shoulders. “Tell me what I can do to earn it.”
She sighed and hung her head. “I thought you hated me.”
“The moment I sent you away I knew I’d made a mistake.” The confession felt as if it had been ripped from his soul. “I’ve wronged you in so many ways, Tessa. Let me bring you and Charlotte back to New York. You can move into my place. I can have a nursery made for Charlotte.”
“Alex…”
“I’m moving too fast? Let me at least bring you back to New York and provide you with an apartment. I can help you financially with Charlotte. You wouldn’t have to work. Or you could come back to Worth in another capacity. Not as my assistant, something more challenging. Perhaps you could work with Hunter in marketing. You seemed to have a knack for it when we were working on the store openings together.” He was throwing everything at her too quickly, he knew it, could sense her unease by the rigidity of her shoulders.
“I can’t just leave my sister and come back to New York. I can’t leave Simone.”
“I’ll bring Gina back too. She can live with you. And I think Simone would understand.” He drew his fingers along the lines of her bare shoulders with the tips of his fingers, felt her shiver beneath his touch. “Please, Tessa. I—” Need you.