“If you think the two of us in a house together alone isn’t going to end up with us sharing a bed, you’re crazy, Maggie.”
“You prefer a bed these days? Gotten boring in your old age, Bryant?” I give her a smirk because her little dig isn’t worth replying to. “What happened between us was a mistake,” she grumbles, and I don’t agree, but I bite my tongue. “If I stay here, it will only be until after the baby is born,” she adds, and again, I don’t agree, but silence is my response. “And I’d pay my part of the bills,” she adds, and I can tell she’s warming to the idea. I let her sort it out in her brain. “You have another bedroom…”
“Maggie, you’ll be sharing my bed. If you need me in the middle of the night, I’ll hardly know it if we’re not together.”
I congratulate myself for sounding perfectly reasonable. Maggie’s not stupid, I know she knows what I’m making her agree to and why—and it has nothing to do with her safety. Maggie likes to hide from the truth, and I let her, but there are some things that I’m not okay with her denying. I’ve been without her too many years to let her run from what we both want.
“You’re not fooling me, Bryant.”
“I never thought I was, baby. I just don’t want you to fool yourself.”
“Point made,” she answers, sounding resigned. “Do you hate me, Bryant?”
“I don’t think I have that in me, Maggie. I don’t think I ever will.”
“It’d be easier if you did,” she responds. She’s probably right, but hating Maggie is the last thing I want.
“Will you need my help moving out of your mom’s?”
“Nah, I don’t have a lot that I need to bring with me. The big stuff can stay at Mom’s,” she responds.
“I’ll get Blue to help me get you moved, Maggie.”
“Why are you agreeing to this? After everything that has gone on between us, Bryant, I just don’t understand—”
“How about we leave the past in the past and concentrate on the here and now. You’re pregnant with my child. Let’s concentrate on what we need to do to make sure you stay healthy and happy while delivering our little bundle of joy? No beating yourself up, no fighting about things we can’t change. How about, for now, we just take things day by day?” I suggest.
“You can do that?” she asks.
“I can,” I tell her, while mentally my answer is really different. I don’t have a choice.
“I still say staying in the same bed will confuse everything, Bryant.”
“Ask me if I care, baby.”
She lets out a large breath.
“I guess I’m already pregnant. It’s not like we can make the same mistake twice,” she mumbles.
I want to tell her that the two of us being together is never a mistake. Instead, I slide my hand along the side of her neck and force her to look up at me.
“Maybe it’s a mistake worth repeating, Maggie,” I all but growl and take her mouth, kissing her with all the pent-up frustration that I feel. She moans into my mouth, and I deepen the kiss.
Most people would call me a fool when it comes to Maggie Lucas. The truth is, I don’t give a fuck. I loved her before I realized what love was all about and I can’t find it in me to paint her as the bad guy. Life tore Maggie and I apart. It developed this irrational fear and pain inside of her. I understand it and curse it all at the same time. Yet, through it all…
I love her.
Maggie
Panic Fueled Desperation
Four Years Later
Being home at my mother’s is always a mixture of emotions. I love my family. I truly do. I love this old farmhouse. It’s home. No matter what happens, I’m always welcomed here by my mother and Jansen. Jansen is my stepdad—Dad really—even if Mom would die if I referred to him like that. She has this thing where she feels like life likes to kick her in the lady balls. She doesn’t want to rock the boat. For some reason she thinks being happily married to a man she loves more than life itself would alert the powers that be it was time to release bad juju again. My brothers and sisters think she’s crazy. Me? I understand her.
I understand her so much it freaking hurts.
“Is Grayson still being moony-eyed over that woman?” Black asks, coming out onto the porch of the farmhouse.
I’m in the rocking chair, enjoying the fresh Texas air, and waiting until it’s time to pick Terry up at my friend Lou Ann’s. Her little boy and Terry love spending time with each other and they’re having a playdate. I spent the day catching up on work while Bryant was visiting his parents. He hates dealing with them but forces himself to go once a month, mostly to see his Nana. I never go. They didn’t like me when Bryant and I were married. They thought I got pregnant to trap their son into marriage. They blamed me for Brylee’s death, and I could be upset about that, but I blame myself, too. They nearly lost their minds when I moved in with Bryant four years ago and made Bryant an appointment for a vasectomy when they found out about my pregnancy. They’re definitely my biggest fans ever. For sure.