“I don’t know why you still love me, Maggie May,” he responds. He stands and comes over to the bed.
“I think that’s my line. I’m still having trouble figuring out why you haven’t kicked me out,” I tell him truthfully, so confused about everything that I can’t quite grasp what’s going on.
“Sweetheart, I know you feel like you’re to blame here, but what you need to understand is that you’re not. The same thing would have happened if I was home, and you were gone.”
“You can’t say that Bryant.”
“I can, but I think the problem here is that you won’t let yourself believe it.” I want to respond, but I can’t really. He’s right. “I think we both need to talk about seeking therapy, Maggie.”
“Therapy? Like couples therapy?”
“We never truly dealt with the loss of Brylee as a team, Maggie, and we need to.”
“It won’t change the facts,” I whisper.
“It won’t,” he agrees. “What it might do is get rid of the guilt we’re both dealing with so that we can see the truth.”
“You’re forgetting something,” I tell him, refusing to allow myself to feel hope with his words.
“What’s that?”
“You’re talking like we have a future—”
“And we do, Maggie.”
“Bryant…”
“Jesus, Maggie with all the love between us, don’t you think we can beat whatever comes our way? Look what we survived without working together? I don’t have a doubt in my mind that if we stand hand in hand, we can beat anything.”
“I wish I had your optimism.”
“Then borrow some because I will tell you right now, I am not the idiot I was when we first got married. I’m a man—”
“I’ve never doubted that,” I tell him, trying to reach for my humor. I think I only half succeed, but I’m still rewarded with Bryant’s smile.
“Smart ass,” he laughs. It doesn’t quite reach his eyes, but it does lighten the heaviness in the air. “I was saying, I’m a man who understands what it’s like to lose the woman who owns his heart, and I’m never going to let her go again.”
“Bryant,” I breathe because what he says floods over me, and I can barely breathe.
“Take a chance on us again, Maggie. I promise you I will work like hell so that you don’t regret it.”
“What if you’re the one that regrets it, Bryant?”
“That will never happen.”
“Bryant…”
“Never, Maggie.”
“So, I guess you’re taking me to Dallas in the morning,” I whisper.
“Damn straight. Do you have a problem with that?”
I think about it, but I just shake my head no. “I don’t deserve it, but honestly, it will be nice not to be alone.”
“Then, it’s decided.”
“I guess it is,” I answer, but I must not keep my fear out of my voice.
“This is going to work out, Maggie. You and I are going to face the world together, and with Terry, we’ll conquer anything life throws at us.”
“You keep reminding me of that, please?”
“As often as you need. I just need you to talk to me and not to run, and if you do that, I’ll do my best to make sure I never keep my head up my ass again.”
“You sound like my mother now,” I murmur.
“She’s a smart woman, but if you tell her I said that, I’ll deny everything.”
I laugh, which is what he intended. He slides on the bed and pulls me into him. I reach up and gently hold the side of his face.
“Your face is getting redder, Bryant. I wonder what you’re allergic to?”
“Smooth Uranus,” he mutters.
“Huh?”
“It’s not important, baby. Right now, I want my wife.”
“Bryant, is that a good idea?”
“I think it’s an excellent idea. I want my wife and you are my wife, Maggie,” he grumbles, as if he senses I was about to argue with him.
“I love you, Bryant,” I tell him instead, swallowing down my doubts.
“Not nearly as much as I love you, baby,” he counters, and before I can argue with him, he kisses me, and I let myself get lost in the magic that only Bryant can create.
33
Bryant
“Shoot fire, boy. Can’t you do anything right? You were supposed to keep her in a sex-coma for two weeks until she came to her senses. I guess you didn’t find your balls after all,” Ida Sue mutters, as Maggie and I walk into the kitchen.
We went to the house and dropped off Fifi with a new litter box we picked up at a store on the way home. After that, we came to the Lucas farmhouse. We wanted to see Terry, who is off for Spring break, but also needed to let Ida Sue know that even though we were back, we’d need her to keep him for at least one more day. I can feel the nerves and the sadness still coming off Maggie, but she hasn’t tried to put a wall between us, and she’s held onto me. We have a lot to work out and work through together, but we’ll get there. I feel honest to God hope for the first time in forever. Even before, when we were at the cabin when I thought she had agreed to be with me, I was nervous. I was afraid it was a temporary fix at best that would lead to trouble down the road. I was willing to take it and pray I could work through everything. Now, however, that Maggie has given me everything, all the shame, guilt, fear and desolation she’s bottled up for way too fucking long, there is hope in the aftermath.