“Like someone cutting their hand or foot off?”
“I don’t even want to think about it.”
“Maybe next time we should take my car. It’s sensible, has a bigger trunk, more clearance, and I can actually drive it if something happened.”
“Point taken.”
“But I’m not saying get rid of yours. I know you have a strange obsession with it.”
“I don’t have a strange obsession!”
Steph laughs quietly. “I didn’t say unhealthy. I just said it’s strange. Anyone who would bring it camping has a strange obsession.”
“Fair enough.”
Steph becomes quiet, and I know it means she’s thinking hard about something. I want to give her time to process whatever it is, but I’m a guy, so it’s not that I run out of patience, but I do start feeling slightly uncomfortable, thinking there’s something I’ve done wrong, but having no idea what it is, because again, I’m a dude, and dudes can be kind of clueless.
“What are you thinking about?”
“Uh, nothing.”
“I can tell you’re thinking about something. I’ve known you for a long time, and I know your thinking face.”
“I’d hate to think of what other faces you know.”
“None. Just that.”
She rolls her eyes, and I know she doesn’t believe me. Now I’m trying to guess how many faces there are and which ones she doesn’t want me to see. But I’d like to see all of them, all the Steph faces, because I’m sure they’re all stunning. She couldn’t be anything less than beautiful.
“Are you thinking about work? About what people would say? Because I promise, I’ll handle that. We’ll think of a way to tell people. Or not tell them. We could keep our relationship private if that’s what you want. Not secret. But just make it clear it’s off-limits to anyone who wants to talk about it.”
“I think that’s a good idea. But that wasn’t what I was going to say. Thank you for thinking about it, though. Really.”
“What were you going to say?”
“I…I was going to say I didn’t expect to have fun here. That it’s actually nice, I’m happy, and I’m hopeful. I kind of feel like this is a really nice bubble. A really nice moment in time, and I don’t want to leave it. I know that tomorrow, we won’t be here anymore, that we’ll have to go back to our lives—”
“That won’t change anything for me. I know what I said before but let me tell you, I didn’t know what I was talking about. I wasn’t thinking properly. I was taking the easy way out and doing what you said because I was scared. That might sound stupid and shitty.”
“No.” She squeezes my hand. “I understand. I was going to say, though, I know we’ll be fine if we take it slow and try to be fine, and if we work on things and get used to being with each other. Give it some time and people some time to get used to the idea. I’m just sad we have to leave, I guess. I feel like this place is really special now.”
That’ll teach me for jumping ahead and assuming I know what she’s thinking. File that under the category of having to get used to each other. I know we’ve worked together and known each other for a long time, but we haven’t dated before. And we certainly haven’t been intimate before. This is brand new for both of us.
“I could extend our stay.”
“That’s very nice of you,” Steph says quietly. “But I think we do need to go back. You work too hard, though, and I know you’ll need another vacation soon. It doesn’t matter when we leave. We’ll still have to leave, and that’s what makes me sad. It also makes me happy, though, because I want to leave. I want to leave here with you. I want to…I don’t know, start having all these new and different experiences. It will be okay. I know everyone changes and grows, and that’s okay too. I just think it’s kind of crazy that tomorrow, we’ll be a day older and different people, and we can never get it back.”
“Time machine socks. That’s what I need to work on next.”
“Oh, geez. If you could invent those, you’d make billions all over again. Those would be the invention of the century. Can you imagine what a mess that would make if everyone started going back in time and influencing stuff? That would be crazy. Can you even do that, or are there theories out there that everything is set, and you’d just be there to enjoy the ride because the outcome would always be the same?”
“I’m sure there are tons of theories about that, but I thought you didn’t believe in fate. Or in things being predetermined.”
“I don’t.” Steph squeezes my hand again. “Which is why I appreciate this that much more. You, being here right now, being with you, changing our minds, and trying something different. Last night was…”
When I glance over, her face is scarlet, and I can feel mine heating up too. The rest of my body follows, but I refuse to spring yet another hard-on in shorts and in public, and for once, my dick obeys. Last night was indescribable. If I had time machine socks, the first thing I would do is go back to last night. Or maybe fast forward to tonight. It suddenly strikes me that with hard work, patience, and dedication—all those things people talk about as being vital to a successful relationship—with all of that, I’ll get to relieve nights like last night and days like this over and over. I’ll get to create and be a part of them, with Steph.
Why didn’t I feel like this the first time? I never had thoughts like this when I was dating, or even when I knew I was getting married. I didn’t feel like this. Maybe it’s experience and hindsight. Or maybe last time just wasn’t actually how I thought it was. Maybe I was too inexperienced to know the difference. No, I was in love with my ex-wife. It was just a different kind of love. Young, inexperienced for sure, and naïve.