It might be just after six in the morning, but I dial Sadie anyway. She’s a good friend, and she picks up right away. “Hey. It’s a little early, isn’t it? What’s the emergency?”
I don’t mince words, so I just spit out, “Kayden.”
“Kay-what?” Sadie shrieks. “What do you mean Kayden?”
Sadie knows all about Kayden, of course. Old Kayden, not this new version who wants to use my pooper because his one is broken. I met Sadie my first year in college, a few months before that rainy day when Kayden drove up and offered me a ride. It probably wasn’t smart of me to accept, but he did promise me he wouldn’t throw me in the trunk with the intent to chop me up into small pieces later. We were all living in Hanover at the time. My family moved for my dad’s work, and Sadie had come from a similar background. Even though it’s a pretty small city, I didn’t know Sadie before college. We were both going to a community college while Kayden, of course, was Ivy Leaguing it.
“Like Kayden Deroy?”
As if the name Kayden is a common one.
“Yeah. One and the same.”
“Are you having bad dreams? Flashbacks? Hot flashes?”
The neighborhood is calm past my window, now that Kayden isn’t standing in the picture, a picture of godlike rock-hard muscle himself. I feel all hot and mushy inside. Spicy too, but I’m blaming that on the strong coffee. Can extremely dark coffee result in hard nipples? I’m pretty sure it can. Maybe I should read the can for warnings more carefully.
“No. Unfortunately, the problem is worse than memories. The problem is real. As in, really living next door to me.”
“Oh my god, WHAAAAAATTTTTT?”
“Yeah.” At least I’ve had a day and a night to process this. Sadie might have fallen off her chair if she was sitting on one. “He’s here. It’s crazy. He showed up at work yesterday. I thought I was getting my promotion, but what I got instead was him.”
“That’s why you didn’t call me. I was wondering what the heck happened.”
I wince. “Sorry. He was just there. In the board room with my boss. Waiting like a piece of poop that escaped the last flush.”
“Gross.”
“It was. It was horrible. He made my boss leave, and then it was just us. He seriously freaking informed me that he was back because his dad told him to get his shit together or something, and it obviously means me because we all know why he’s a serial dater—that whole fire breathing dragon who broke his heart back in college article said it all. He also bought the house right next to me. He now owns my entire life, and I’m sure he’s back for revenge. For example, he tried to come over and poop in my toilet. That seems pretty vengeful to me.”
“Wait. Hold up.” Sadie pauses, and I hear a few hard thumps. Try as I might, I don’t know what Sadie’s doing on the other end. “Okay,” she suddenly pants. “I’m back. Sorry. Uh, you mean he bought the nasty old house that got foreclosed on?”
“Yup. He’s living in it too.”
“Are you sure?”
I stare out the window at the dilapidated bungalow’s sagging front steps. All I see is a flashback from a few minutes ago of Kayden standing there, looking like every woman’s freaking fantasy incarnate. “Yup.”
“This is insane. Like, even I couldn’t think up something that crazy to write about, and you know I’ve written about aliens coming down to earth and having—”
“I know.” Unfortunately, I know all about Sadie’s kinky alien series. At first, I had no idea why those books of hers sold so well, but then I did some thinking. I suppose it’s possible that some people out there might find a twelve-foot, purple, squishy alien with seventeen arms and eight eyes attractive. I mean, there’s supposed to be someone for everyone, right?
“So, what are you going to do about it?”
“What do you mean? What can I do about it? It’s not like I can make him un-buy the house and un-buy my freaking place of work!”
“I can’t believe he did that. God. Some people have too much money in the world. If I had that kind of money, I wouldn’t go looking for a way to move on by ruining my ex-girlfriend’s life. I would have just spent tons of money on therapy, found a hot model girlfriend, had adorable little babies with her, bought a house on some expensive private island somewhere tropical, gotten myself a huge yacht, and called it a day.”
“We both know that’s not Kayden, though.”
“Yeah. Unfortunately, he’s not one of those token rich people. The fact that he’d tell some lady interviewing him about how there was someone from college who broke his heart, and he’d never fall in love again because he’d been thoroughly destroyed by her, I mean you, just says he’s not like anyone else.”