Fuck, fuck, fuck.
I’m on the pill! This isn’t supposed to happen. I mean, I was on the pill, and Lance used a condom. What are the chances of the condom slipping off and the pill being ineffective? Pretty freaking slim, I’m sure!
I draw a deep breath in and release it. Butterflies flap in my belly. Or maybe that’s morning sickness.
This wasn’t the plan. An accidental pregnancy with a player is the opposite of the plan.
He may not be a player, something whispers from beneath the layer of panic.
It did seem like he was trying to show me another side to him before he left. But he’s still not stable. He’s an operative in a highly dangerous field. Hardly the kind of father I wanted for my child.
I wanted safe. Predictable. Someone who wouldn’t mind driving a minivan and doing our taxes.
Okay, I’m getting ahead of myself. This probably just a pregnancy scare. My mind running away with me. I read the instructions on all the tests. Even though you’re supposed to wait for the first morning urination for best results, I take a stick to the bathroom right now, and pee on it.
Then I wait.
And hold my breath.
And wait some more.
Tears cloud my vision. Is that a second pink line coming in the window?
Oh shit. Is it? Oh my God.
It totally is.
I’m pregnant. This was not how I wanted it to happen! This was not the stupid plan!
Tears stream down my face. I pick up the phone and start to search for Adele, since she’s the one who knows I hooked up with Lance, but instead I find myself calling Sadie.
I don’t know why. I guess because she practically lives over at that compound with Lance due to how much time she spends at Deke’s. She knows him—maybe better than I do. I can talk this through with her.
She picks up, and I have to hold in a sob.
“Sadie?”
“Charlie—how have you been, girl? I haven’t seen you around.” Is that a touch of guilt in her voice?
“I’ve been… busy. But—”
“Are you crying?”
“What?” I swipe my eyes. “No. Of course not.” Maybe she’ll think it’s allergies or a cold or something.
“You don’t sound okay.”
“Yeah, I need to talk.” This sucks. Saying it out loud makes it all the more real.
“Okay,” she says slowly.
“I have a teeny tiny problem. You know Deke’s friend—the hot blond one?”
“You mean Lance?” She sounds unsure.
“The one who looks like he could front a boy band,” I say, which isn’t fair. Lance is a playboy, but there’s no boy about him.
“He’s a bit more buff than that.” I love how Sadie defends him. She sees the best in people.
“Okay, then, a Baywatch remake.”
“I’ll give you that.” She giggles. “Lance does have a surfer-dude vibe going on. What about him?”
“We might have hooked up.”
“Oh. Oh my. You and him?”
I hold back a half sob, half laugh. “Yeah. I know. It was on a whim.”
“Good for you. I mean, it was good, right?”
“Better than good.”
“I’m glad. So what’s the problem?”
Ah, jeez. Now I have to explain. “It was supposed to be a one-time thing.”
“Okay.”
“Even though we really were great together.”
“Okay…” Sadie sounds like she wants me to cut to the chase, but is too polite to say it.
“And now I have a problem.” I swallow against the boulder in my throat before whispering the words, “I’m pregnant.”
There’s a pause. Then, “You are? Oh my God, Charlie! I’m excited for you!”
Oh jeez. This is why Adele would have been my first choice for a phone call. Sadie sees the best in every situation.
“Wait, is Lance the father?” Sadie is breathless. “Lance Lightfoot? Deke’s Lance?” As if there’s more than one Lance we know in Taos.
“Yeah. Can you believe it? I mean, the guy is a total man-whore, right?” I continue in a rush. “But it was my birthday and he’s so sexy and persuasive, I figured it wouldn’t hurt anything to enjoy myself for a change, you know? Just for fun. But the condom broke, and I guess the pill didn’t work either, and now I’m pregnant!”
“Oh. Oh, I’m sorry, babe.” Her voice softens. “Whatever you want, whatever you’re feeling, I’m here for you.”
I give a wild laugh. “I don’t know. I guess I’m having a baby.” Maybe if I say it out loud, I can believe it. “This wasn’t exactly part of my life plan.”
“I haven’t had kids of my own yet, but I’ve heard so many mothers say that this is the one place you just can’t control everything. You don’t get to pick when you get pregnant, or the gender, or when they’ll decide to be born. You have to sort of surrender.”
Sadie is so sweet. It all makes sense, but I’m not even past the point of believing I’m pregnant. Thinking about the rest of childbearing is beyond me.