Now that the time is drawing near, I’m nervous as hell, going over everything twice and not sure that it’s enough. Maybe this is why the others, especially Track and Jace, are always spoiling their women. It’s hard to stop at just one thing. It feels like not even the world is enough to give her if I had it to give. Strange freaking feeling for a guy who just a few short months ago was still playing practical jokes on his friends.
I pulled up the photo of her on my phone’s home screen and studied her beautiful smile, wondering if I was always going to feel this way. If I would always put her first in my mind and thoughts like I was now. I know very well that relationships can grow cold, that people can start taking each other for granted after time, but I don’t want that.
I won’t touch her unless I’m sure that I can always look at her and feel the love and adoration I feel this minute. But how do I do that? How do I have what my brothers have with their wives, with her? Will I be able to do it? Or will my love grow cold at some point? Will I end up in a loveless marriage like my folks?
Will I ignore and neglect my kids in the pursuit of wealth? Just the thought of it made my gut hurt. I kissed the screen like a sap and made a solemn vow to do all within my power not to ever let her down. “Please don’t ever let me hurt her.”
Alex
It felt like I’d barely slept a wink before it was time to get out of bed the next morning. A long cold shower was in order since the dreams of the night had followed me into my waking moments. It’s amazing that I’d been able to keep my baser thoughts at bay all this time while I was away at school out of necessity, but now with only a day left before I could have her, plus being in such close proximity, I’m spazzing the fuck out.
I was tempted, oh so tempted, to rub one out in the shower, but for some reason, me, the guy who’s made masturbation an art form, didn’t have it in me. It didn’t feel like cheating exactly, but there was something definitely off there. Shit, if that’s how it’s going to be, if I’m giving up my daily dose of strokes, then she’s going to be spending a lot of time under me. Poor girl!
My mind started envisioning what that was going to be like, and before you know it, the cold water wasn’t doing shit. I could imagine how soft she’s going to be, how tight. The vision swirled around in my head, images of her looking up at me as I take her. Her soft doe eyes filled with passion. My hand moved towards my cock and grasped as I imagined the feel of her silky warmth wrapped around my meat, and damn…
“Stop!” I leaned both hands against the shower wall and bent my head under the spray of water, shaking it hard to help clear it. It took a minute or so, but I got my shit together and got through my shower without touching my dick for anything more than cleaning it. By the time I got dressed and headed downstairs for a cup of coffee, I had myself under control barely.
My parents were nowhere to be found, which is to be expected, so I just downed the first cup standing at the kitchen sink looking out the window while the servants, some of whom I’d never seen before, bustled around the house going about their business. Had this place always felt this cold?
I’ve heard of people never returning to their childhood home after leaving for college but never associated such a thing with myself. Now, as I stand here missing my friends, I realize that this might very well be the last time I’m here like this. If I marry Cassie soon, it definitely will be. Besides the way Jace talks, I think he expects all of us to stay together pretty much like we are now.
I don’t think I saw our lives playing out this way, but then again, there’s been a lot happening in the last year or so that I never imagined. With the way things are, it actually works out for us, though. Not that I’m expecting the quarantine to last forever, but I’m pretty sure the world’s dynamics will be changed after this.
I didn’t feel even an ounce of sadness as I turned away from the view that I hadn’t really noticed since childhood and headed out the door to my future. I don’t hate my folks, far from it, but there was no sadness at the realization that this would be the last time I’d be here for more than a visit. This place is no longer my home, my home is with my woman and our friends, and I suddenly couldn’t wait to get started. Is it egotistical to like the man that I’ve become?