Nan knew he wouldn’t accept an evasive explanation for her actions, which meant she would have to stay clear of him for a while, even if a part of her yearned to see him again.
Carrying in the last packages from the car, Nan set the bags on the long glass-enclosed counter separating the seating from her prep and serving area. She didn’t plan to reopen for a few days but filling the display case and unpacking the cute new teacups and saucers to add to her collection tempted her to flip around the closed sign and lift the shades on the glass door. The inheritance she and Jay had received from both their parents and Nana left them financially free to pursue careers regardless of the salaries. Jay had spoken of going into law enforcement in a large city for as long as she’d thought of nothing but running the tea shop. A pang tightened her abdomen as she recalled the losses that afforded them financial stability at a young age.
She was just finishing setting an array of pastries from the bakery into the refrigerator in the back room and wondering how long news of her return would take to spread when she heard a demanding rap on the front door. “I guess not long,” she mumbled with a wry shake of her head. Nan opened the door to her good friend, Tamara Barton, now Dunbar, and took a hasty step back as she pushed her way inside with a gray-eyed glare. “Hey, girlfriend.” Nan beamed in welcome, happy to see her again.
“Don’t you ‘girlfriend’ me, Nanette Meyers. You have a lot of explaining to do.” Whirling as Nan closed the door, Tamara threw her arms around her for a quick welcome-back hug and then let go to give her another disgruntled look. “Wasn’t it just a few months before you took off that you were berating me for being away so long? At least I had the decency to keep in touch.”
Nan winced with guilt. “I know, and I’m sorry.” Waving a hand toward a table, she said, “Have a seat and I’ll brew us some tea.”
“Better make enough for several cups. Avery heard of your return at the diner and called Sydney after she talked to me. They’ll be here soon.” Tamara pulled out a wrought iron chair that matched the quaint, round tables, and plopped down.
Despite the reasons for her long absence and silence, Nan had missed her friends and looked forward to catching up with her and Sydney and Avery. But she could have used a little more time to prepare for their reunion. “You look as if married life agrees with you,” she commented, changing the subject as she moved behind the counter. “How is Connor?”
Tamara waved an airy hand. “He’s good. Busy with the ranch when he’s not tying me up. Seriously, Nan.” She leaned her arms on the table with an earnest expression. “Are you all right?”
Looking away to hide the guilt rearing its ugly head, Nan chose a sweet black tea and flipped on one of the brewers. “Yes, and I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have stayed away so long.”
“Or had your brother return my calls and texts. Why did you?” she persisted, concern lacing her voice.
Shaking her head, Nan dropped individual tea bags into four cups as she heard the door open behind her, followed by Sydney and Avery’s voices. Tamara had just moved back to Willow Springs last year after living in Boise for five years and Nan remembered how put out she’d been when her closest friend refused to tell her why she’d accepted a job so far away. She’d known all her friends would expect an explanation, and she owed them one, but wasn’t ready to divulge everything that had happened in New Orleans. All three had embraced the lifestyle over a year ago, but compared to her experience and needs, they were still newbies. She doubted if any of them, if single, would have sought the diversion of a Dom while away on a short vacation. Nan would pay the price for that mistake for a long time.
“We missed you, and our weekly get-togethers here. Why didn’t you tell us you were back?” Sydney asked as Nan turned and carried a tray holding the four steaming cups to the table.
“I’m waiting for an explanation for her silence.” Tamara reached for a cup, her eyes staying pinned on Nan as she took a seat next to her.
With a mock frown, Nan berated Avery even though she was at fault for putting off telling them of her return. “You had to go and blab before I got around to calling, didn’t you?”
Avery nodded without remorse, blowing on her tea. “Yes. I’ve got the hang of this small town living now.”
“Didn’t take you long,” Nan muttered. “I’m sorry. I suffered a bad experience I’m not ready to talk about yet, other than to say it has taken me this long to recover enough to come back home. But, God, I really missed you guys.”
Worry mingled with curiosity on all three of their faces, but Nan had never been more grateful for their understanding and quiet support when they let it go at that. It helped that each of her friends had, not so long ago, gone through a troubled time and also kept the details to themselves until their guys pried the truth out of them. Luckily for her, no one was interested in her that way, or she in him, to fret about being pushed into revealing her trauma before she was ready.
Avery reached out and squeezed her arm. “We missed you, too, and you know we’re here for you when you’re ready to talk.”
“Thanks for understanding.” Avery’s large diamond studded wedding band glittered under the light, catching Nan’s eye, a reminder of one important event she had missed. After hearing about Tamara and Connor’s quick engagement last year, and their plans to hold a double wedding with Sydney and Caden, she hadn’t hesitated to postpone her trip for several months to attend. She wouldn’t have missed that wedding for anything, but Avery and the sheriff’s engagement came after she was already in New Orleans. Missing that special occasion because of her traumatized emotional and physical state was only one of Nan’s lingering regrets.
“I’m so sorry I wasn’t here for this.” She ran a finger over the stunning ring. “All I can say is I was in a bad place, one that has taken me all these months to struggle out of.”
“If someone is responsible, give us a name and we’ll sic the guys on him.” Sydney’s teasing tone was at odds with the glint of anger in her green eyes, both expressions warming Nan with gratitude.
Smiling, she relaxed and reached for a cookie. “You know, I just might let you do that sometime, but my brother will insist on getting first crack.”
“It must be nice having a close sibling,” Avery said on a wistful sigh.
Nan thought of Jay’s unyielding support and tireless efforts to get Gerard extradited back to the states after he fled the country when he’d discovered her rescue. She would not have made it through those first grueling months without him. At least she’d been smart enough not to tell Gerard about her brother, the cop.
“It is. But you have someone just as loving and supportive that I don’t, so we’re even.”
Tamara sipped her tea, eying Nan over the dainty china cup.
“You could have that too. There were several complaints from the Doms at the club over your absence. They missed you too. Master Dan questioned me several times on whether I had heard from you. You’re coming this weekend, aren’t you?”
Nan thought of the club she used to love spending weekend nights at, the Masters who were so good at giving her what she craved, dominant men she trusted with her body and who had never let her down or betrayed her feelings. It was no secret the subs favored Master Dan; he enjoyed a reputation for delivering on the promises reflected in his dark eyes. A delicate shiver trickled through her as she recalled praying for his help during those dark, painful days of captivity.
While grappling to hang on to her sanity, she’d taken to conjuring up her favorite scenes from the lifestyle her sexual dissatisfaction had led her into, all of them scenes with the Master who knew her best and she trusted the most. For short periods of time, those memories would sustain her, had kept her mind off the pain and terror she’d endured. Gerard wooed her by promising what she still craved after five plus years of embracing her submissiveness only to strip her of that pleasure by turning into a monster. She lifted a hand to trace over her bare throat. How could she continue to miss something she’d worn for so short a time yet glory in the significance of its absence? Maybe, if she ever came up with an answer as to how she could have been so stupid and trusting and changed her mind about committing to one person, she might solve that question.
Dropping her hand, she noticed her friends’ quizzical, troubled faces and rushed to reassure them. “Yeah, I should be able to make it. I’m planning an open house on Saturday but will close by seven. Now, why don’t you fill me in on what’s been going on around here, and with you guys. Avery, I need to catch up on our book comparisons. I did manage to get quite a few read while I was gone and found some new authors I like.” The two of them shared a love of suspense novels and had spent hours discussing books.