“Nonsense,” Ruth Miller scolded her daughter. “Hannah needed to get away, needed to start a new life away from here and I can’t think of a better place for her to start than in your home. Tell me something, Mary. Are you happy with your…friend?” The shocked surprise on Mary’s face would have made her laugh if it didn’t sadden her so. How could her daughter think she wouldn’t love her no matter her choice of lifestyle?
“You know?” Mary squeaked, unable to believe her mother has known of her lesbian relationship with Patty and she never let on before now.
“Of course I know, I’m your mother.”
“And you’re okay with it?” There was no censure on her very morally strict mother’s face, only calm acceptance.
“Of course not, any more than I am with Hannah’s actions, but it isn’t up to me to judge you or anyone else and certainly doesn’t make me love either of you less.” Cradling her hand on Mary’s cheek, she whispered in a tormented voice, “You are the best part of me and your father, and we cherish you. Hannah,” she added, turning her gaze to her tormented granddaughter, “is all we have of your sister, which makes her even more special to us. But it’s time for you to take Hannah home. We both know she doesn’t belong here anymore than you do, but that doesn’t mean my heart won’t break when you leave.”
“But we’ll be back,” Mary promised her feeling as if a burden has been lifted from her shoulders. Now, if only she could ease Hannah’s burden as easily.
“She’s cute as a button, your Roxy.”
Hannah turned with a smile at the sound of her aunt’s voice. “Yeah, she is. Aunt Mary, much as I appreciate you coming all the way back here in the middle of your trip, you don’t need to be here. I’m fine.” Her aunt had surprised both Hannah and her grandmother by showing up last week, having flown straight to Ohio as soon as her cruise ship docked again.
“Now, where else would I be when you’re hurting? Unless you’re ready to go back to Lexington where we both know you belong now.”
Hannah gazed into eyes that were the same shade as hers and saw the worry clouding them. “I’m sorry, Aunt Mary. I’ve made a mess of things.” Hannah wasn’t talking about her attack and miscarriage, but about the way she was beginning to regret running away instead of staying to work through her ordeal.
“Why don’t you come have a long overdue talk with your grandmother and me?” Tucking Hannah’s arm through her own, she didn’t give her a choice as she led her back through the field, out the gate and over to the porch, the bright afternoon sun warming their backs.
Handing her a glass of sun brewed ice tea when Hannah took a seat next to her, Ruth didn’t beat around the bush when she asked, “When are you returning to Lexington, Hannah?”
“In a hurry to get rid of me?”
“Of course not, child. You know I love having you here, just as you know this is no longer where you belong. Don’t you have work and a young man to get back to?”
Hannah did have to either return soon and get back with her new clients or tell them she wouldn’t be able to take their jobs. As for Mitch, she had no idea where she stood with him now, especially after she had ignored his constant attempts to get in touch with her.
“You sure are anxious to have me return to the modern world, you know, the one where I was a victim of crime three times,” she returned a bit defensively, not comfortable with having her grandmother say aloud what she had been thinking earlier. She knew she didn’t belong here anymore, but had she burned her bridges with the new life she had been forging by turning her back on the people in it?
“And it breaks my heart at what you have gone through, but do you think staying here is insurance against you getting hurt again? Do you remember the Schrock’s?”
“Yes, I used to babysit for them. They were such a nice couple.”
“We all thought so too until Samuel beat Martha for having an affair, putting her in the hospital for weeks and landing himself in jail. Did you forget your own parents were killed by drunk teenagers, boys from our community who stole a car to go joy riding and partying?”
The pain in her grandmother’s eyes tore at Hannah and she berated herself for thinking she could hide out here instead of facing reality. “I had no idea. Is Martha all right?” She remembered the Schrock?
?s as being a very friendly couple, devoted to their children and each other.
“It took a while, but she’s fine now. They’re divorced, of course, and she’s now seeing this other man openly, a nice man who is willing to live here with her after they marry. Hannah,” Ruth said as she took hold of her granddaughter’s hand, “you went through a terrible ordeal, but don’t let it ruin what you have with this young man. You don’t get too many second chances in this life.”
“I can be packed and ready to head back first thing in the morning,” Mary said, a knowing smile splitting her face when she saw the acceptance in her niece’s expressive eyes.
When Hannah still hesitated, Ruth said gently, “Life is a balance of holding on and letting go, Hannah, and it’s time for you to let go.”
“What if he no longer wants me?” Hannah asked Mary, voicing her worry out loud for the first time. “I haven’t spoken to him since I left and he hasn’t called in three days. Not that I blame him.”
“All the more reason to return as soon as possible. Mending fences is never easy, but necessary if you want to keep what you have. And remember, Hannah, it was Mitch’s baby too.” Rising, Mary and Ruth went inside, leaving Hannah to think about what she wanted to do.
It was Mitch’s baby too. That line reverberated in her head the rest of the afternoon as Hannah rode her favorite mare, Daisy, while Roxy did an admirable job of keeping up with them. Guilt was a horrible thing to admit to and live with, and she had it in spades. Not once in the past two weeks had she considered Mitch’s loss, only her own. She hadn’t even bothered asking him how he felt about the fact that she was pregnant, had no idea whether he was relieved or sad about her miscarriage. She remembered the rage and concern on his face after he had subdued her assailant and the worry and concern when he followed her to the hospital. He had been nothing but kind and supportive of her since the day they met and she threw those weeks of consideration back in his face when she turned her back on him.
She recalled their first meeting, how she responded to him, how he helped her with what turned out to be a simple problem and fix with Aunt Mary’s car without making her feel stupid. As she rode through the cornfields she remembered the time he took her to the McGilley’s farm to ride, giving her a taste of home, an afternoon of fun with no expectations except that she enjoy herself.
And she remembered the sex, the awesome climaxes she would still know nothing about if he hadn’t shown her in more ways than she could have ever dreamed about. She now realized how difficult it must have been for him to suppress his more dominate urges to sleep with her in the beginning. She couldn’t think of a single instance when Caleb had gone to any extra lengths for her, to please her or give her a new experience. Mitch, she was just now realizing, had the strength of character Caleb had been lacking.
Hannah sent Roxy back to the house by pointing and saying, ‘home’, pleased at seeing the way her obedience classes have paid off when she did as ordered, just like her sexual experiences had paid off when she obeyed Mitch’s orders. Watching until Aunt Mary let her in the back door, she then let Daisy out for a run, loving the freedom of galloping across the wide open fields, the feel of the sun and wind on her face. She had found it just as freeing when Mitch took her over, binding her either physically or emotionally, but he never made her feel like she was an object, like just another woman there to please him. On the contrary, his focus had always been on giving her pleasure, seeing to her long neglected needs and she had soaked up each new experience like a sponge. Being under his control had allowed her to explore a world of sexual pleasures she never imagined existed, her only boundaries those she imposed on herself.