“Go to bed without me, Chrystle. I’ll be there soon. ” I forced a smile, dreading each moment I had to spend with her.
Dean and I walked out into the warm Alabama air and sat in two lawn chairs side by side.
“You nervous for tomorrow?” Dean asked with a slight grin.
I turned to look at him. “A little. ” Then I cut to the chase. “Did you know Cassie’s here?”
I watched Dean’s eyes widen. “Excuse me? What do you mean, she’s here?”
“She was waiting for me in the parking lot after my game tonight. ”
“Shit. ” Dean looked at me with worry.
“You didn’t know? I was certain you knew. ”
“I had no idea, Jack. I swear. I would have given you a heads-up or something if I knew. ” His eyes widened. “Which is why, of course, they didn’t tell me. ”
“They who?”
“Melissa and Cassie. They were acting weird all week, but they didn’t say why. ”
“Does she ever talk about me,” I asked, putting my brother on the spot.
“Not when I’m around,” he answered and I nodded with understanding. “So what did she say?”
I shrugged my shoulders and leaned toward him. “She asked me not to get married tomorrow. ”
“She flew all the way out here to ask you that? She could’ve just called. ” I watched as Dean eyed the second-story window where my bedroom was. His eyes searched for something before landing back on mine.
I laughed. “I told her the same thing. ”
“That sucks. ” Dean shook his head. “I know this is killing her. ”
I felt my face tighten with his words. “I’m pretty sure it’s killing both of us. ”
“Then why are you doing it? I mean, don’t do it. Don’t marry Chrystle. ” I knew it was hard for Dean to be supportive of my marriage to Chrystle, but sometimes his irritation with me bubbled over, like now.
“It’s a little late for that, don’t you think?”
“Look, I get why you’re doing it. I just wish you wouldn’t. I know you still love Cassie. ”
My eyes narrowed and I clenched my jaw. “Of course I fucking love Cassie. But I cheated on her and got someone else pregnant. I’ll spend the rest of my life loving the one person I can’t have. That’s my punishment for hurting her. ”
Dean squinted as he shook his head. “What kind of fucked-up logic is that?”
“The only kind of logic I can live with. My pain is my punishment. I brought it on myself. I deserve to hurt since I hurt her. And I don’t deserve to have her after what I did. ”
“You’re seriously whacked. You know that, right? You could be with Cassie right now if you wanted to!” Dean whisper-shouted to me harshly.
I breathed in and out through my nose, refocusing my thoughts. “I can’t. ”
Dean stood up, shoving the chair out from under him before leaning close to my face. “You’re still hurting her. Every day you aren’t with her, you’re hurting her. And following through with this stupid wedding is probably going to fucking ruin her!”
He went back into the house and slammed the sliding glass door shut with a thwack. I replayed the conversation in my mind, convincing myself that he was wrong about one thing. Eventually Cassie would heal and get over me. She’d find someone new to love…someone who deserved her.
But me? I’d never find another girl like her. And I’d never love anyone the way I love her. My pain would last a lifetime and hers would one day become a distant memory.
*****