His face softened, and for a brief moment, I actually considered that he believed his words.
“We haven’t spoken a single word in over eight years, Ben! Eight fucking years! I’m pretty sure you’ve been perfectly over me.”
“You’re mad,” he countered.
I gagged. “You’re insane.”
“Are you over me?”
“Are you serious right now?” My eyes widened with my surprise.
“As a heart attack.”
I wanted to vomit all over his plate when he said those stupid words. He used to say that line all the time in college, and I’d hated it then. Of course he still used it now.
“Ben, I’ve been over you forever. You and I happened a lifetime ago. I don’t even know that girl anymore.”
“That’s not what I’ve heard.”
“What the fuck are you even talking about?” I bristled as my anger started to rise.
“I’ve heard you never got over what I did to you.”
I leaned forward, my elbows resting firmly on the table. “I got over what you did to me years ago. Do you hear me? Is it registering?” I knocked my knuckles against his skull.
“But I heard that I totally fucked you up, that I ruined you.”
A strangled laugh escaped my lips. “I’m sorry, but no, you didn’t. It wasn’t about you or what you did or the fact that you cheated on me, fucked my roommate, or any of that. I got over all those things way quicker than I’d anticipated. The only thing that stayed with me were your words. It wasn’t even that it was you who had said them. It was just the fact that they had been said at all. They’d definitely affected me, but as you can see, I’m doing all right in spite of them.” I forced a tight-lipped smile.
“You certainly are. I’m really proud of you, Elizabeth.”
“No. I don’t need you to be proud of me. You don’t get to be proud of me. It feels like you’re somehow taking credit for what I’ve accomplished, and I refuse to give you that.”
He leaned back and ran his fingers through his thinning hair. “I didn’t mean it like that. Shit. I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for everything that happened in the past.”
“Listen, Ben, I needed that apology eight years ago, but I don’t need it anymore. Like you said, it’s in the past.”
“I don’t think it is for me.”
“What are you trying to say?” I asked, truly wondering what the hell he was getting at as my appetite all but disappeared.
He blew out a long breath. “I don’t have closure.”
“You don’t have closure? For what?” I shook my head as confusion spread through me.
“For us. We don’t have closure.”
“Oh.” I paused. “Seriously? You suddenly need closure? I’m closed. We’re closed. We have the most closure you can have. It’s called you-cheated-on-me-by-screwing-my-roommate-on-the-kitchen-table kind of closure. It’s very specific.”
“I’m sorry. I just didn’t think. I mean…” He stumbled on his thoughts. “I’ve thought about you so many times over the years, and I wanted to reach out to you, but I never knew what to say. Then, seeing you the other night with Daniel and seeing how great you look—”
I put up a hand. “You don’t have to do this, okay? We have a history and a past, and it was the first time seeing each other since everything had happened. I guess it’s understandable that some sort of residual feelings might still be there, but you really need to move on.”
“Like you’re doing with Daniel?”
“That’s none of your business.”
“You’re right.”