“Just let me go, Daniel. Pretend I never entered your life.”
“I could never do that.” I refused to lie to her. “Could you?”
She sniffed, and I half-wondered if she was crying. It would tear me apart if she was.
“I don’t know, but I have to try.”
“I don’t want this. I want to be perfectly fucking clear that this is not what I want. But if it’s what you need, then I’ll do it. I can’t make you want to be with me.” I admitted defeat, knowing that trying to change a strong woman’s mind was like trying to reason with a drunk person. There would be no reasoning tonight.
“Wanting to be with you isn’t the problem.”
“Then, what is?”
“It’s everything else that comes with it. It’s too much for me. I’m not equipped to deal with all the extra crap. I want you—minus the crap.”
I believed her because I knew, in this moment, that she believed the words herself.
“I wish you felt differently.” God, how I wished that more than anything else in the world right now.
“I’m sorry. I don’t. I just don’t know how to do this.”
“Good-bye, Elizabeth.” I ended the call, knowing that if I heard her tell me good-bye, I’d fucking lose it. It was one thing for me to say it because I knew I didn’t mean it. But hearing it from her lips, I knew she would have meant it, and that would have absolutely broken me the fuck apart.
11.
DANIEL
After driving over to Kate’s shitty apartment, I let myself into her building and pounded on her door, half-tempted to knock it the fuck down. When it opened and she saw me standing there, her face lit up like she’d hit the lottery.
“Daniel,” she breathed out and wiped her tear-stained face.
I pushed past her, walking into her living room before sitting down. “What the fuck is going on with you, Kate? Why are you acting like this?”
She started spouting off at the mouth, “Did Elizabeth call you? Did she tell you to come see me?” She moved next to me on the couch. “I knew she would. She’s such a good person, but she doesn’t love you like I love you.”
The second Elizabeth’s name had left her lips, I wanted her to stop talking.
I stood up and started pacing. “First of all, how dare you call Elizabeth at her work. Her work, Kate! Second, calling her and talking to her about us…who does that? Do you not realize how crazy that is?”
Her head lowered into her hands as her shoulders began to shake. I hated seeing women cry.
“I just wanted to get her to break up with you, so you’d give me another chance.”
“You asked her to break up with me?” Her words spun around like a carnival ride inside my brain. How had this become my life? It was no wonder Elizabeth couldn’t handle this shit. I could barely handle it, and it was my own doing.
“I just wanted to see you again, but you wouldn’t talk to me.” Tears continued to spill down her cheeks as conflicted emotions raced within me. “You ignored all my calls. I just wanted to talk to you, Daniel. I need to know why. What did I do wrong?”
Sitting back down next to her on the couch, I pulled her against my chest and let her cry. “Kate?” I said her name softly, knowing that only expressing my anger wouldn’t solve anything. “Kate, look at me.”
I reached for her chin and tilted her face up. She batted her big doe eyes at me.
“I never lied to you, did I?”
She wiped at her face before shaking her head.
“From the very beginning, I told you what this was between us and what I wanted from you, did I not?”
“You did,” she choked out.