Dear Heart, I Hate You

“Like hell.”

He laughed. If I didn’t know any better, I’d think my best friend thought this situation was funny. And it was anything but funny.

“Well, what’d you expect?” he asked.

“I don’t know, but not that. I thought she’d at least be mildly happy to see me. Maybe give me a smile,” I admitted. “There was no smiling, Lucas.”

“Bro, you didn’t speak to the girl for weeks. Thirty-seven days, to be exact. That’s a long-ass time when you’re separated by the entire country and can’t run into each other at the gym or the grocery store. She texted you and e-mailed you and you didn’t respond to any of it. So you, what, thought she’d go jumping into your buff arms the second she laid eyes on you?”

When he laughed again, I found myself wishing he was sitting next to me so I could punch him. “Stop fucking laughing,” I growled out, which only made him laugh harder.

He finally finished his laugh attack, and his tone turned serious. “You hurt her.”

“I know. That’s why I’m here.”

“It’s not enough that you’re there. It’s a nice gesture, don’t get me wrong, and it’s way better than a phone call or a text apology. But she’s going to need more than just you showing up on her front porch saying you’re sorry. You’re going to have to convince her that she can give you her heart again. Look what you did to it the last time she gave it to you.”

I tried to swallow, but couldn’t. Lucas’s words struck more than a single nerve inside me. It felt like he struck every one.

“You’re good at this,” I muttered.

“I know.”

“So, what do I do? How do I convince her to give me another chance?”

He blew out a long breath into the line. “You’ve got to figure that one out on your own, but I will tell you this. Don’t give up, no matter what she says. It’s only been five weeks. There’s no way her heart’s completely changed course in that time. Trust me.”

“Trust you? You don’t even date girls!”

“No, I don’t. But that doesn’t mean I don’t have experience with feelings and emotions. People are people, Cal. Don’t be a prick.”

I groaned. “You’re right. I’m sorry. I’m just in a shitty mood, man. I don’t want to lose her.” My heart was literally aching inside my chest. I wanted to reach inside and yank it out just to get it to stop.

“Then don’t stop fighting. Even when she tries to make you, Cal. If she pushes away and you run, you lose. You’ll only prove her right if you do that.”

“Prove her right?”

Lucas let out an exasperated sigh. “If she tells you to go away and you do, then all you’ve done is show her again that she wasn’t worth it. You can’t take no for an answer. You can’t let her push you away. You have to be stubborn.”

I nodded as I listened, and everything fell into place in my mind. “You’re right. That’s sort of what I was thinking anyway. I’m good at stubborn.”

“No shit,” he agreed too easily.

“Thanks, Luc. Talk to you later.”

I tucked my phone in my pocket and began pacing back and forth on the sidewalk in front of Jules’s apartment building.

How the hell was I supposed to prove anything to her when we didn’t even live in the same state? I couldn’t stay out here forever, but this was one war I refused to lose.

I’d have to start all over and win her back from scratch.

What Do I Do?

Jules

I practically peeled out of my parking lot, leaving Cal behind in my virtual dust. Or maybe I kicked up real dust and hit him in the face with it. I tried not to care, but oh how I cared.

Pressing the button on my steering wheel, I prayed to whoever was listening that Tami would be able to take a call from me. I needed my best friend.