“What’s not?”
“You can’t tell me you love me now.” Trembling, I clenched the comforter with my free hand and pulled it around me.
“Well, I do, Jess. I should have told you months ago. I fell in love with you the night of the fraternity party, but I was too stupid to admit it.”
“Why are you doing this?”
“I told you already. I need you. You belong with me. We belong together. I need you to come home. Just be ready. I’ll be there tomorrow.”
With that demand, he ended the call, and my complete and utter freak-out began.
Was he really going to come up here and expect to be able to drag me home? He sounded pretty drunk—maybe he wouldn’t even remember calling me in the morning.
Nick said he loves me . . .
What an asshole. He couldn’t say it when we were together, but now that we were apart, and after months of not talking, this was when he decided to tell me that?
Love.
He clearly didn’t even know what the word meant.
What the hell was I supposed to do if he showed up here tomorrow? I fought the urge to call Rachel, not knowing what I’d say or how I’d explain anything to her.
I decided to sleep on it and see what the morning would bring. My stomach knotted as I curled up in a ball on my bed and tried to force myself to sleep.
Waiting
Jess
My night was filled with fitful dreams that kept me from sleeping soundly. I woke up feeling anxious, paranoid, and sick to my stomach. Would Nick really show up here to try to take me home? What the hell would I do if he came to my door?
And what the hell would I do if he didn’t?
Sure, I’d told him not to come. Begged him, actually, but he ended the call saying he was coming anyway. I considered texting him, just to see where his head was at now that he was probably sober, but I was too scared to do it, too terrified of what his answer might be. Logically, I knew him showing up here was a long shot, but somewhere deep down, I think I genuinely wanted him to.
That caveman inclination to come rescue the girl who didn’t need rescuing turned parts of me to silk. I would have never expected that a girl like me would like the things that he said last night, but I did. I wanted Nick to want me enough that he would do something crazy for me, to love me like he couldn’t live without me. Lord only knew how “well” I was living without him.
The hours passed as I stared between my bedside clock and my cell phone, refusing to move from my room. I kept the television playing in the background in an attempt to drown out the quiet, but I wasn’t paying any attention to it.
Instead, my mind churned with a million questions. Would he show up? How far away was he right now? Did he really love me?
My stomach rolled as the questions refused to stop. Questions that I could easily have the answers to if I dialed Nick’s number or sent him a text. But I was too scared to hear that he was still in So Cal, or that he didn’t remember calling me the night before. Too scared to hear it confirmed that he wasn’t on his way. My heart couldn’t take that reality. So I sat alone in my room and waited, like the coward I was.
By four in the afternoon, the realization that he wasn’t coming started to set in. The disappointment was far greater than I ever expected it to be, and I leaned back on my bed and reached for my phone.
“Chica,” Rachel shouted into my ear as music blared in the background.
“Rach?” I said softly.
“Jess? What’s wrong?” she asked, and the music stopped suddenly.
“Are you busy? Can you talk?”
“I can talk. I was just rocking out while I was cleaning. What’s up?”
I wasn’t sure what to say or where to start, so I decided to start at the beginning. “Nick called me last night.”
“Last night? And you’re just telling me this now? It’s after four, Jess! The hell?”