“That’s not fair.” She wasn’t going to sit there and let him talk to her like that. “It’s easy for you to sit there and judge me when you’re not the one who has to make the tough decisions.”
“God damn it, listen to me,” Jackson lashed out. “I want to be with you. I don’t want you to marry this guy, no matter how great he is. And if you wanted to marry him, you wouldn’t be having this conversation with me right now. Hell, we wouldn’t have done anything that we’ve done the last six months.”
“I know. It’s just…”
He cut her off. “Let me finish.”
She fell quiet as he continued. “I’m not sure I could live through you marrying someone else. I think about you all the time. And I think about us all the time. I want there to be an us, Caroline. We belong together. And if you’d stop worrying about what everyone else thought, you’d see that too.”
Caroline leaned her head into the bed and tried to muffle the sound of her heart breaking. “I don’t think I’m strong enough,” she admitted softly.
“Strong enough…for what?” his voice faltered.
She paused a moment before answering, “To leave Clay.”
The silence hung between them like thick smoke in a slow burning room, until Jackson choked out, “Caroline?”
“I’m here.” She spoke the words so faintly, he barely registered the response.
“I’m in love with you.”
It was the final blow. She broke down. “I just don’t want to hurt anyone. And leaving Clay would hurt so many people.”
“So I guess it’s better you live your life unhappy so everyone else can be happy?”
“Don’t be mean. It’s not that,” she fretted.
“Then WHAT is it? Tell me. Help me see what the hell it is that you’re thinking? Make it okay for me that I let you go. God, Caroline, do you love me or not?” he asked half-crazed.
“Of course I love you. The thought of not being with you makes me feel like nothing will ever truly be right in my life again.”
His heart beat wildly with hope against the confines of his chest. “When two people love each other, they should be together.”
Filled with guilt, she asked. “At what cost? Any? That’s so selfish. I can’t live my life only thinking of myself with no regard for anyone else.”
“No. You can’t. But it’s not like you’re already married. You haven’t taken that leap yet.” His voice quivered as his tone changed. “I’m just asking you not to take it, Caroline. Because once you do that…well, I can’t keep doing this. Not if you choose to marry him.”
“Clay doesn’t deserve this.”
“But I do?”
“I never asked to meet you!” Caroline pulled the phone away from her face and yelled into the receiver. Once the words passed through her teeth she desperately wished she could stuff them back into her mouth and swallow them whole.
“As much as I’d love to say I didn’t ask to meet you either, I can’t.” The dejection coursed from his lips to her ears. “I’ve waited my whole life to find someone like you.”
“I didn’t mean that Jackson, I’m sorry…”
“I know.”
“It’s just that I need to be able to look at myself in the mirror and like the person I see there. You understand that, don’t you?”
“I do,” he sighed.
“I just need a little time to figure this all out.”
Caroline’s stomach knotted with anticipation as she waited for his response.
“I can’t wait.” Jackson’s words came out resolute mixed with disbelief.